Mainstream Joke Department

A witty (though also a nasty* man):

I don't have the exact quote, but when a political opponent (much larger in stature) refused to yield about coming face-to-face on a narrow street, saying something like "I never yield to a scoundrel," Stevens stepped down into the muddy street replying "I always do."

* This is not meant to demean his devotion to equal rights, which was sincere and unmatched.

There was supposed to have been a minister in Harold Wilson's government who asked his secretary to write him a speech to deliver at a constituency meeting. "Only ten minutes, mind, not a second more."

The next day he was upset because the speech had lasted twenty minutes and complained to the secretary. "I did write a ten minute speech," the secretary replied, "but I gave you TWO copies."

Since the first part of this thread contained a number of mathematical jokes, and since Easter is coming up - and we generally like bunnies here, including the flopsy ones - I figured I'd post a joke which combines elements of all of that:

Bugs Bunny is running away from Elmer Fudd, having a grand old time fooling the old wabbit hunter, when he passes a phone booth. The phone immediately begins to ring, and Bugs, being the impetuous rabbit that he is, picks it up.

"Eh, What's up doc?"

"Hello, this is Bob Reilly of the radio station KROT. We are running a contest, and you have been chosen as a contestant. What is your name, please?"

"Bugs Bunny."

"Well, Mr. Bunny, if you can answer one question in 15 seconds or less, we will send you a year's supply of carrots. Do you want to play?"

"Sure, doc, run it by me."

"All right, Bugs, here is your question: What is 2,137 times 5,213? You have 15 seconds to answer. GO!"

Bugs takes exactly 2 seconds before answering "11,140,181."

Bob Reilly is taken aback. "Why, that is exactly correct! You win a years supply of carrots. How did you come up with the correct answer so quickly?"

Bugs laughs and says into the phone, "Look, bub, if there's one thing rabbits know how to do, its multiply!"

There was once a family of balloons - a father, a mother and their son. One night, when there was a likelihood of a thunderstorm, the young balloon asked his parents if he could sleep in their bed, but his father told him he was far to old for that, and must sleep in his own bed.

Later the thunderstorm erupted, and the boy balloon was very scared. He tried to get into his parents' bed while they were asleep, but there simply wasn't room. Feeling desperate, he carefully untied the knot in his father's neck and released some of the air, but there still wasn't room. He did the same to his mother, bit still couldn't squeeze in. It was only when he untied the knot in his own neck and released some of his own air, that he was finally able to get into the bed.

Next morning, the father was angry when he discovered what had happened. "I'm really disappointed in you, Son," he said. "You've let me down, you've let your mother down, and you've let yourself down."

A redhead told her blond sister,
"I slept with a Brazilian."
The blond stepsister replied,

"Oh my God, you slut! How many is a Brazillion?

Miss Jones noticed her son Johnny on her front porch staring at the construction site across the street.
"Johnny you stay away from there, it's dangerous."
An hour later Johnny was no where to be found. Miss Jones stepped out on to her porch and looked across the street. Sure enough there was Johnny sitting with a bunch of construction workers who were sharing their lunches with them. Johnny only had a second to wonder why his new friends just scattered before he was being hauled back across the street by his ear.
As soon as she got him to her front yard Miss Jones let go of his ear and said," Go get me a switch."
Rubbing his ear Johnny asked, "What did you say?"
"I said get me a SWITCH!" Miss Jones repeated, this time with a smack on his bottom to help him along.
Rubbing his bottom Johnny turned to his mother and said,"Fuck you that's the electricians job."

"You slept with a Brazilian?" the blonde asked, not believing her friend's claim. "Just how many is that anyway?"

He: Hay Honey would you be interested in a Ménage à trois ?

She: That means you would have to play with yourself with both hands after your spanking.