Mainstream Joke Department

I recently saw this:

The older you get the more you enjoy things you hated as a kid---like taking naps and getting spanked.

There's no arguing with that is there?

Let me see, should I take a nap or get a spanking first. Well OK, what if I get a spanking first, take a nap and then get another spanking. Would I sleep or just lay there waiting...

My naps always came after a wooden spoon paddling. So, you're on the right track there, Wadesnickers.

Woody Allen to a Lady of the Evening: "I'd like a spanking and a blow job. In that order. The order is very important."

Werner Heisenberg and Erwin Schrodinger decided to go for a drive one afternoon. They were pulled over by a traffic cop, who said to Heisenberg, "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?"

"No," said Heisenberg, "but I know exactly where I am!"

Growing suspicious, the cop decided to search the vehicle. After opening the trunk, he came back and said to Schrodinger, "Sir, did you know there's a dead cat in the trunk of the car?"

"Well, I do now!" replied Schrodinger.

C, Eb, and G walk into a bar and order a bottle. The bartender says "we don't serve minors" so Eb leaves. C smiles at G and says "Looks like we got an open 5th between us." Just then F# shows up and G says "crap, now it's a diminished 5th." (BTW, There's lots more).

Nothing better than music theory humor. It's all the rage.

Cal33
Hadn't heard that one before. A funny, sophisticated joke for once!

Someone asked a pure mathematician, and applied mathematician and a statistician what was the answer to "2 plus 2".
The pure mathematician replied "4".
The applied mathematician took out his calculator and replied "3.9999998"
The statistician said "Well, what would you LIKE the answer to be?"