Mainstream Joke Department

Ok....ive come to the conclusion im simply not a 'joke' kinda girl (simple being the operative word! ) - i just dont get most of them. Except your elephant one, Alan.....that made me laugh, so thankyou for that. Thankyou for the welcome too...its very nice to be here. Does anyone know any girly jokes?

Kim Kardashian?

Yes, well, there's one.

There was once a man who walked into a ladies clothing store and told the sales clerk that his wife sent him in here to get a Baptist bra. The sales clerk said that most women ask for Catholic bras but we do have a few Baptist bras in stock.

What is the difference, he asked

A Catholic bra supports the mass whereas a Baptist bra makes mountains out of molehills!

I saw this joke on facebook this morning:

A duck was about to cross the road, when a chicken looked at him and said...

"Don't do it, man, you will never hear the end of it!"

And perhaps the women who don't wear a bra at all hang out with the Germaine Greer feminists ?

Q: Why are insects afraid of computers?
A: They don't want to get caught in the world wide web!
As told by my 6 year old nephew.

Ask an mathematician how much two and two is
without hesitation he'll tell you its four
ask an accountant and he'll say
"I'm fairly certain, but let me run through those figures once more"
Ask a doctor and he'll think about malpractice
and tell that he's fairly sure at the very least its three
Ask a lawyer and he'll lock the door and draw the curtain
and whisper to you "how much do you want it to be?"

(from "The Cheap Lawyer" an SF filk (parody) of "The Destroyer", which i heard performed by the author many years ago (87-88 i think), but can't recall the author's name just now.)

Reminds me of the following joke I once heard told by a Baptist mnster:

A certain vicar always started his services by saying "The Lord be with you!", after which his congregation would respond "And also with you." One Sunday he said the usual words only to be met by silence. "The Lord be with you!" he repeated. Still there was no response. Finally he guessed the problem and tapped his microphone. "There must be something wrong with this." By now, the congregation had noticed his lips moving. "And also with you!" they responded.

Sounds like something that might actually happen in church. It reminded me of a church service I was in back in the '80s. The church had just purchased a new PA system, and turned it on for the first time on Sunday morning. A house near the church was rented by a couple with a new baby. When the PA system came on, it picked up the baby monitor. We could hear the mother talking to her baby in baby talk. Then she suddenly said, "Oh, you're wet." She followed that by asking, "Did you poopie?" At this point, the PA system was quickly turned off, and the landlord, who was a member, ran out of the church to tell the mother of the situation.