To those who are sixty or above as well as the younger ones

Love and affection were something to be earned and lost. If I was good, did what I was supposed to I was loved by my Dad and tolerated by my Mother. If I didn't live up to their standards, was noisy, messy or created a problem of any kind, love and approval were taken away and I had to earn my way back into their good graces. I wasn't spanked, but I was also never forgiven. Spanking with love and forgiveness have always been a fantasy of mine.

I made sure my daughter was told "I love you." several times a day. Even if she misbehaved, she was told what she did wrong but that I loved her. I didn't ever want her to feel like I did growing up.

I am certainly over 60 and as far as I am concerned, my mother never said that she "loved" me, at any time. On the contrary, she always had an attitude that she cared emotionally, very little about me. She did all of the CP and her attitude was the same , before and after a spanking. The problem was her indifference. She did take care of me with all materialistic but no emotions. That was the hardest part.

I don't think my father ever told me that he loved me, but I never had any doubts that he did. He showed his affection through uncountable acts of care, consideration, encouragement and protection. I must admit I rarely tell my children that I love them, but I hope they know I do. If I told them straight out, they would probably just feel confused and embarrassed.

Much of this has to do with cultural codes. Some cultures are more reticent and others more effusive in the way they express feelings and emotions. The danger with the reticent approach is that all the small, unspoken messages may not get through, while the danger with the effusive approach is that the words may have lost their meaning the day you really need them. The real problem is when there are no feelings to express at all...

@Alef. I was about to write exactly the same as you have expressed so very well. (Probably better than I was able to )

I am in the age group you specify (59) and like many of you, my father was not demonstrative at all, having been raised in a Scandinavian (Finnish) family and growing up on a horse ranch in a rather remote town in Montana. His sister, the only girl, was, on the other hand very "huggy" and affectionate and she told me that her father was very reticent with affection and praise. Like Alef above, he never said he loved me but he did demonstrate it in many ways, teaching me things and taking me to ballgames and such, teaching me how to use tools and fix things, etc. We weren't emotionally close and I really didn't realize how much he must have loved me until after he died. On the rare occasions when he spanked me (brief, hard and over the knee but clothed) he would come in later that night and sleep in my bed that night. He didn't hug or comfort me but it felt good having him there. He was always gone in the morning.

My mother, on the other hand, told me frequently that she loved me and was quite physically affectionate. In fact, she probably spoiled me rotten. My aunt and most of her friends and my friends' mothers all said so at one time or another. She also had a tendency to hover (I am an only child) and devote a lot of attention to me.

Needless to say, this was a little confusing. Both my parents loved me but in different ways. Perhaps it would have been better if my father was a little bit more physically and verbally demonstrative and my mother a little less so. In any event, they did their best and I miss them both very much even though it's been more than thirty years since they've been gone.

I have no idea where my interest in spanking came from. I only know that it started somewhere around seven or eight and I noticed when any discussion of spanking came up or there was mention or even an actual spanking scene on TV or a movie, no matter how brief.

I'm 53 and hence of the age where my (English) parents didn't feel the need to tell their children they loved them or that they were wonderful. Dad seemed distant as we were kids, child rearing being exclusively the mother's preserve (not that I think Mum would have given him a chance), but he was always kindly and would give you time and do things with you, so there was no problem with the fetish words 'I love you' not appearing in his mouth.

I know my Mum was passionate about her children because of her actions, though as I grew past a certain age it became her norm to deliberately downplay any achievement I had - she was once actually angry that I had won a prize at school, because the dangers of big-headedness were perceived to be worse than those of low self esteem.

I was never spanked, though often threatened, but I never worked out that these threats would not be carried out - another case of spanko nature here I think.

In fairness Sam, I never said I wasn't loved by my parents, nor that they never showed affection, and - yes - they had WW2 to contend with too.

Yes - I was spanked, more often by Mum, who was the more affectionate of the two. But it was always fairly instant and there was never any nonsense about how they loved me as they did it.

The English "Stiff Upper Lip" was another matter which was rammed into us by our boarding school. I could - and have - written tomes about that.

One of the first things that struck me about most of the stories on this site was the forgiveness theme. Neither of my parents displayed any tenderness after punishing; it was considered "spoiling or babying"
But now that My Dad just turned 89, we end each weekly conversation with "I love you". Apparently my younger sister, his caregiver, overheard our conversation and complained he never told her that he loved her. I was not surprised; his generation seemed to be all business RE raising kids with strict standards that discouraged "spoiling". We - the hub and I - on the other hand rarely spanked. I had all my teacher training on behavior modification and positive reinforcement and encouraged my siblings to use those methods with their kids, too. Child rearing is completely different, now, thank goodness!
Islandcarol

I can only remember my father once telling me he loved me. I was about seven and I think he had had a few too many. That was the only way he could overcome that English reserve.

No one has been spanked within the various generations of our family since my father accidentally emptied a bowl of breakfast cereal over my grandmothers head which would have been circa 1935 more or less. My father was a liberal, my grandmother a liberal only with her unorthodox use of a hairbrush. Child rearing is, as islandcarol says, different from what previous generations experienced. I have nothing against people being reserved, too much sentimentality I find depressing, however it's good to say "I love you" occasionally at least.

I'm not in the age-range of discussion (only 32), even so I'd like to chime in and say that my father told me he loved me. More often, though, he would tell me that he'd thought about me during the day. At the time, I thought it was odd, but now I find that phrase more touching. My father's not yet a year dead, and looking back I know he loved me as much by the things he taught me as the things he said to me.

My mother was free with her affection while I was growing up, though she was the only one of the two to ever spank me (and rarely). She typifies the stereotype of the fiery redhead: I often fought with her, but never my father. My affection for my mother, and hers for me is demonstrated, again, as much with how we treat each other. We don't end every conversation with "I love you", but neither do we need to.

Though I'm terrible at participating meaningfully in online communities, reading the stories you all have shared in this post has been touching. Thank you, all.