British Authors

AlanBarr

Err no. I lived further out than the traditional East End of London so did't use that particular word lol

incidentally in my household growing up when in lots and lots of trouble you were asked if you wanted a smacked bum? or you just got the backs of your legs slapped hard or very hard.

It seemed sometimes that no matter what I did I was doing the wrong thing, and was forever getting threatened with the above, by my Mum or Gran (Mum's mum).

Can one of our British writers verify a minor point for .me? We spell it 'ass,' while you spell it 'arse.'. But when I've heard it pronounced on British TV, it seems the 'r' is silent. Are we all pronouncing the word for that part of our anatomy the same?

Not sure what you’re watching Cal, but here in Australia and on pretty much every British show I’ve watched it is pronounced arse, the r is very much not silent.

I wondered if Cal meant the r should be overpronounced like in “arris”. The way I understand ‘arse’ to be said is like the word ‘car’ without the c and with an s on the end. And even in the North, where I live these days, and where a word such as grass is pronounced with a short a, so rhymes with ass, arse is still arse, with the r in there.

Also, I suspect British people who say "ass" have picked up the habit from US TV and movies. I would normally say "arse" (typically for comic effect) but after watching too much Simpsons, I now think of the depression I leave in my sofa as an "ass groove".

If you’re having a problem typing ä, try alt+132. In German it's also permissible to ad an e after the vowel. If you search for Maedchen in Goggle you’ll get 12 000 000 results! All diminutives in German are Neuter so although it’s logical that words like Fräulein (young woman) and Mädchen (girl) should be female the rules of German grammar demand that they are neuter. The German language like the Germans themselves, stubbornly keeps the rules even when logic would suggest otherwise.

If your German is good enough, you might be interested in the link below which poses the question, "Heißt es das Mädchen und sein Hund oder das Mädchen und ihr Hund?"

https://www.duden.de/sprachwissen/sprachratgeber/Pronomen-und-grammatisches-Geschlech t

Isn't that what Father Jack in Father Ted says -
"Arse! Women! Drink!" not necessarily in that order!

What about calling it 'Gerald' for instance?

e.g. "Charlotte reluctantly bent herself over the back of the chair closing her eyes. Dr Browning flipped up her skirt and without warning pulled her knickers down to her knees revealing her pert *Gerald*. Stepping back Dr Browning tapped Charlotte's *Gerald* with his vicious cane and again without any warning, swicckkked the cane down onto her *Gerald*. Charlotte gasped at the ferocity of the stoke but did her best to both stay in positions and not cry out. Twwhaccck the second stroke hit a second later the pain from the first stroke combining with the second to cause a tsunami of pain to wash over her. A third stroke connected with Charlotte's *Gerald* just a little lower than the first two directly hitting *Gerald*'s sit spot and causing Charlotte to curse under her breath but not under her breath enough.

"I beg your pardon Miss Harrison! Did you just swear at me?" Dr Browning snapped, bringing the cane down hard across the fleshiest part of her *Gerald*. "Apologise this instant!" Unfortunately for Charlotte she was in no position to say she was sorry as she was fighting so hard not to burst into tears that she dare not speak.
"I see." Said Dr Browning going over to his desk and picking up a wooden ruler. "Thar refusal to apologise counts as insubordination, dumb insolence and contempt. In the regular armed services once you graduate from Palmer Sutton you could be court marshalled for less and shot! I Will Not Stand For It!" with each word Dr Browning took the wooden ruler to shoulder height and brought it down hard of to each of the two cane stripes of Charlotte's *Gerald* three times leaving Charlotte a sobbing mess.
"As I am in a forgiving sort of mood I will not repeat the first two strokes of the cane, but if ever hear you swearing again I will beat you until you bleed. Do you understand Miss Harrison?" The room was silent apart from the ticking of the clock and Charlotte's sobs. Gradually she got control of herself and managed to stutter out "Yes Sir. I III understand." in a very weak voice unable say more and started sobbing again at the thought of having another eight strokes of that vicious, vicious cane."