Domestic Discipline ?

As a married female unrequited bottom, now a firm female switch, all I can say is be who you are... there is no shame in honesty. Personally, my kink is purely sexual so avoiding sex enables me to switch off to my desire to be spanked or to spank. If one truly loves one's partner ( one has to factor in all the alternatives), there are ways if ameliorating one's desire, albeit, challenging alternatives. The important thing is how much one loves one's partner to enable them to suck in their kinky desires. It becomes a matter of what matters most.... the satisfaction of one's kink or true love, and whether or not to risk that.

IMO, Guy is simply expressing his opinion in a civil and respectful manner and I'm convinced there was no intent to patronise anyone.

Hi everyone, first-time poster.

I have been trying to do this with my wife for a couple of years. At first, she simply wasn't interested. She got no enjoyment out of it. However, about 4 months ago we had a long discussion regarding spanking. I explained that it was simply a game to me, a game that I greatly enjoyed and had a powerful craving for. She was very attentive, asked me several questions so she could try to understand, and eventually we decided to give it a try... sort of.

See, my wife does not want to be the head of the house. She wants that role to be mine, and I accept that. I knew that was what she was looking for when I married her. A full-time DD relationship would reverse our roles, so she has zero interest in that idea. However, she was surprisingly open to a compromise that I suggested: I told her to select two chores that she never wanted to do again. I would pick up those chores, permanently. If I ever fail to accomplish one of those chores, she is to spank me. She can also make special requests at any time, which also earn me a spanking if I fail to meet them.

Basically, I made the case that, 1) I'm not weird, there are thousands of men just like me, 2) incorporating a little spanking would not drastically change the dynamic of our marriage, 3) even though she has no sexual interest in spanking, she still benefits by having me do chores that she doesn't like.

Before you get too excited, let me admit that it has not worked perfectly. So far, I've gotten two good spankings out of her. I did the chores perfectly for about two weeks, legitimately forgot to do them one day, then got super excited when my wife told me I was "in trouble," and "would be getting a spanking." I waited, and waited, and waited... for about a month. It never came. She had forgotten about it completely. We had to have another open discussion. I told her how disappointing it was, she apologized (she had legitimately forgotten), and we tried again. The next night, I got a spanking. And it was a good one . She's got a mean swing for a rookie. I did the chores for about another two weeks, messed up again, got another spanking. I thought things were proceeding well. She was happy about the finished chores, and happy that I was enjoying it. But, it's been nearly a month now since I last forgot the chores, and although she has promised a spanking several times since then, as of this writing it hasn't come. Part of the reason for this is that we have a son, so naturally any spankings have to be saved until after he is asleep for the night. We're usually both exhausted by the time that happens. We also have friends or family spending nights with us pretty often, and we don't want them to overhear.

So, I think that what happened is that she fully intended to spank me, but we either were too tired or had company, and eventually she forgot again. I'll find out next week, because I'm going to bring it up again. One of her brothers is actually staying with us through the week, so I have to wait until then. One thing is for sure, after having made as much progress as we have, there's no way I'm going to just give up. Patience and persistence are the keys to victory! Besides, although the actual spankings have been scarce, she has started giving me some really hard single swats on occasion... and she seems to be getting a kick out of it. Baby steps.

Well thanks every one for the responses, I did not take Guys reply as being patronising although I do not thinking writing stories would change anything. I appeciated Tysout's reply too, so similar to me !
Interesting that it has provoked some heated discussion. The only thing I can do is to meet occasionally other men for spanking as meeting women seems too difficult unless I pay a domme and so far I have not wanted to do that.

Just read Whiteknights reply, thanks for sharing with me and others. We have had several long conversations but my wife says it stresses her, basically any sex talk, including spanking is pretty off limits,

We are both compelled to live this way. It is important to us both. I personally decided long ago not to settle for anything less no matter how I "felt" about the person. Compatibility is compatibility....a necessary component for a satisfying relationship. And I feel no guilt over this perspective. No matter how much a vanilla says that love is more important than sex.....how many vanillas would stay together long if one partner said, "What? you want to put your germy mouth on mine? You even want to use your tongue there? That's disgusting! Mouths are for eating. What is wrong with you?"

Since my last post, I've been spanked twice more. More importantly, my wife is already getting comfortable with it. Things are looking good.

Pete, if your wife gets stressed about any sex talk, then you've got to work on that before you can get anywhere with spanking. Please understand, I do not intend to be judgmental, but a lack of communication regarding sex or anything else is terribly unhealthy in a marriage. If anything, this is especially true of sex. I don't know you or your wife, so my advice isn't worth much. But here it is anyway.

Gently, patiently, and lovingly, begin approaching your wife with conversation about sex. Forget the spanking in the short term, and just focus on opening her up to conversation. If she's not comfortable talking about it, then there are probably (again, I don't know you guys, I'm just speculating) some desires of her own that she's never shared with you. Odds are that she will completely shut you down the first couple of times that you try, but keep your patience and your gentleness. Remind her, and yourself, that this is not just about you, but about making things better for both of you.

A good icebreaker is the "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage," series by Mark Gungor. Most of his clips are on youtube if you want to preview them. He's actually a Christian minister, but don't let that stop you. He's no prude. The dude is both hilarious and great at making heavy subjects suddenly seem casual.

Sorry but I couldn't resist the urge to give my story, 'Domestic Discipline' a plug on this thread.

I've found that one interesting place where this subject is discussed to shed some light on it is a blog site called "Spanked by my lady". The husband did begin by getting his wife interested in taking the controlling role and the whole milieu may not be to everyone's taste but it is one place where some issues get discussed.

It's better than trying to sit down after 'correction' - LOL.