Style: Sound effects

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Style: Sound effects

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	DLandhill Author USA Posts: 183	#1 \| Posted: 2 Sep 2013 16:13
In a thread where it was perhaps a bit off-topic, there was mention that some people feel the use (or the excessive use) of 'sound effects' (i.e. smack smack smack) in a story reduce its quality and interest. Here are two versions of a scene from the recently posted story "Bad Choices" by SamPast and myself. Do you think the version without sound effects is better? sound effects: Charlie started to hand spank her. Robin squirmed a little, even though she knew he had barely gotten started. {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} "Oowwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} "You know {Smackk!!} much better {Smackk!!} than to {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} act as {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} you have, {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} young lady." {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} "Oowwwwwwwwwww, yesssssssir!" {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} "This is just {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} a warm up. {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} We'll get {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} to your {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} REAL {Smackk!!} spanking {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} in a minute." {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} Robin was NOT looking forward to the real spanking. She could already feel the heat rising in her bottom. She started to squirm, but Charlie held her still. {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} {Smackk!!} Once Charlie saw that her bottom was a nice bright pink, he said, "Stand up, Robin." descriptions instead: Charlie started to hand spank her. Robin squirmed a little, even though she knew he had barely gotten started. His hand went Smackk!! on her bottom over and over again. After perhaps a dozen hard smacks, Robin let out a loud "Oowwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" But Charlie kept on spanking her. He started to scold, uttering a word or two after every pair of smacks. "You know ... much better ... than to ... act as ... you have, ... young lady. ..." Her bottom was starting to pinken abd she was obviously feeling the spanking. "Oowwwwwwwwwww, yesssssssir!" He delivered three hard spanks, to her left cheek, her right cheek, and the center of her bottom, and repeated this after each phrase of his continued scolding. ... "This is just ... a warm up. ... We'll get ... to your ... REAL ... spanking ... in a minute." ... Robin was NOT looking forward to the real spanking. She could already feel the heat rising in her bottom. She started to squirm, but Charlie held her still. Charlie delivered another dozen hard hand-spanks, without pausing to scold. Once Charlie saw that her bottom was a nice bright pink, he said, "Stand up, Robin." What do you think?

	rollin Member USA Posts: 938	#2 \| Posted: 2 Sep 2013 16:31
The idea is to paint a word picture that enables the reader to see the scene in his mind's eye. IMO excessive onomatopoeia does not accomplish that. So the lower version is definitely better. I've been writing about this issue extensively elsewhere and if interested parties wish to message me about this I'll send a link to where you can find this discussion. There are many techniques that can be used successfully to describe an "action" scene but just writing "smack!" over and over again is not one of them.

	FiBlue Author USA Posts: 613	#3 \| Posted: 2 Sep 2013 17:21
I think the second version is infinitely better. It is much more readable. DLandhill: "Oowwwwwwwwwww, yesssssssir!" IMHO, shortening these would also improve it.

	canadianspankee Member Canada Posts: 1686	#4 \| Posted: 2 Sep 2013 17:50
I vote for the 2nd version, no contest really. CS

	rachelredbum Author USA Posts: 422	#5 \| Posted: 2 Sep 2013 17:59
I definitely vote for the second one. it really is a better story, foir reasons already mentioned

	bendover Author USA Posts: 1697	#6 \| Posted: 2 Sep 2013 18:18
I've used "Owwwwww! Pleeeeezzzzzzz! No/Yes Maaaaaaa'aammm! I've decided to tone those down to just the proper spelling. Yes, I use SMACK CRACK a few times, but not to excessive. The writing help in the forum that has been set up to help new authors mentions that it's better not to use to much of this smack crack business. I have to agree. So, I have to agree with Rollin. I also agree to take the second one as well.

	opb Author England Posts: 1007	#7 \| Posted: 2 Sep 2013 19:45
Of course, when doing a narration every SMACK! and Oww! must be put in. I do try not to write them though.

	Bogiephil1 Author USA Posts: 631	#8 \| Posted: 2 Sep 2013 20:20
Sometimes it seems, when describing a spanking, that one must use "sound effects". I agree to a point, in that a few "SMACK"s and "WHAP"s may be necessary to set the mood or describe a specific sound, along with the vocalizations of the spankee, but endless repetition of various sounds is tiresome and negatively affects the readablility of the story. It's tempting to do so when writing but annoying to deal with when reading. Describing the reactions of the spankee, the vocalizations and the various sounds a witness or listener might hear is more difficult to write, but IMO is infintely more interesting and pleasing to read...

	njrick Author USA SUBSCRIBER Posts: 2975	#9 \| Posted: 2 Sep 2013 20:24
bendover: I use SMACK CRACK a few times, but not to excessive. it's better not to use to much of this smack crack business. A number of my early stories used the "Smack Crack" technique, which I've now pretty much evolved away from. An upcoming story returns to it, though (with care not to overdo it), but only because of the particular method of storytelling I chose to use. The example given by DLandhill clearly shows a WRONG way to tell a story.

	canadianspankee Member Canada Posts: 1686	#10 \| Posted: 2 Sep 2013 20:53
njrick: The example given by DLandhill clearly shows a WRONG way to tell a story. I am sure Njrick just forgot to include his further explanation when he wrote what he did without it, so I will help him out here. There is NO WRONG WAY to tell a story, just a different way and if that is a writer's style then so be it. If one loses a few viewers because of the way they write, so be it. I am sure such writers pick up viewers who like that style.

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