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Authors, what annoys you about depictions of your own gender by opposite-sex authors?
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Burgundy
Female Member
Canada
Posts: 298		 #51 | Posted: 15 Apr 2017 22:55
Cal33:
Burgundy, I think you've found your literary groove!

Thank you, except - ohmygod, huge plothole! She's 22 and been married for 12 years?? How did I not catch that? I meant 32, she's 32, okay? If that's not a warning for proofreading...

Glagla
Male Author
Sweden
SUBSCRIBER
Posts: 803		 #52 | Posted: 16 Apr 2017 15:49
Burgundy:
Tiffani's boobs turned towards her beloved husband of twelve years as he entered the kitchen, and he said:
"Honey, up til now we've only had sex for procreation in the missionary position, but I've always wanted to spank you in front of all our neighbours and your parents and my parents and your ex-boyfriends from high school. How about it?"
"Holy shit, why didn't you say so?" squealed Tiffani in delight, immediately ripping off her short plaid pleated skirt and black lacy panties and tossing them in her husband's face, then throwing herself and her bouncing nude globes across his rock-hard knees.
Then the door was flung open by the troupe of thirty onlookers parading in to watch, and Tiffani's husband proceeded to spank her expertly and erotically even though he had never spanked anyone in his life.
"Ow-ow-owww-ooooo-hoooooo!" she cried in pain and ecstasy as her silky bottom cheeks turned from creamy to crimson. "I deserved that!! It was what I needed and now I MUST blow you or die!" With that, Tiffani rolled off his lap and hastened to mash her face into his crotch for the most intense blow-job of his life, both of them so aroused they forgot about their families and neighbours, who all promptly went home and spanked each other silly.

You know Burgundy, this is an absolute top class short story winner for an upcoming challenge. I'd given it an eleven out of ten. Why isn't life like this?

Burgundy
Female Member
Canada
Posts: 298		 #53 | Posted: 16 Apr 2017 17:01
Glagla:
Why isn't life like this?

Trick question. There is no such thing as blowjobs after marriage.

Glagla
Male Author
Sweden
SUBSCRIBER
Posts: 803		 #54 | Posted: 16 Apr 2017 17:25
Burgundy:
Trick question. There is no such thing as blowjobs after marriage.

Uh, you're not exactly an ambassador for marriage it seems...

Burgundy
Female Member
Canada
Posts: 298		 #55 | Posted: 16 Apr 2017 17:47
Glagla:
you're not exactly an ambassador for marriage it seems...

It's true. My poor, poor husband, he never gets anything nice.

Glagla
Male Author
Sweden
SUBSCRIBER
Posts: 803		 #56 | Posted: 16 Apr 2017 18:29
Burgundy:
My poor, poor husband, he never gets anything nice.

Well, that's exactly what's wrong with today's women - it's time to rectify But maybe seeing a red hot bottom across his lap sort of makes up for the missing blow jobs..?

Burgundy
Female Member
Canada
Posts: 298		 #57 | Posted: 16 Apr 2017 20:10
Glagla:
that's exactly what's wrong with today's women

No no no, you got it wrong again. By definition, women are never wrong. According to Mr. B (hi honey!), the secret to marriage, even if you're the brawniest macho top ever, is to "always do whatever your wife tells you, no matter how illogical, boneheaded, or vexing."

Glagla
Male Author
Sweden
SUBSCRIBER
Posts: 803		 #58 | Posted: 16 Apr 2017 22:09
Burgundy:
By definition, women are never wrong.

Oh well, I can roll with that - as long as it comes with that red bottom positioned across my lap...

Btw, I must say that you have the most amazing insight in married women's behavior; illogical, boneheaded, vexing...

stevenr
Male Author
USA
SUBSCRIBER
Posts: 406		 #59 | Posted: 17 Apr 2017 07:50
Burgundy
the secret to marriage, even if you're the brawniest macho top ever, is to "always do whatever your wife tells you, no matter how illogical, boneheaded, or vexing."

I'm not even married, and I get this, this is the secret to the relationship between man and woman, be they husband and wife, or significant others. Of course it helps if she is smart enough to realize when she's been illogical, boneheaded, vexing or just plain wrong and presents herself to you for corrective action.

Burgundy
Female Member
Canada
Posts: 298		 #60 | Posted: 17 Apr 2017 17:18
Glagla:
you have the most amazing insight in married women's behavior

No, it was my husband's insight, but in all fairness he came up with that when I was pregnant, which didn't do wonders for my temperament. He's one of them brawny macho tops, but those times, he did what any proper, real man's man would do: he cowered in the corner like a little bitch as I stomped around the house in a blind rage for nine months. I did some pretty vexing things, too. Once I made him get up at 3 a.m. to scrub the floor behind the stove and fridge, because I was convinced there was a weird smell back there (there wasn't.)

stevenr:
Of course it helps if she is smart enough to realize when she's been illogical, boneheaded, vexing or just plain wrong and presents herself to you for corrective action.

Yeah, but if he had tried that while I was pregnant, his own mother would have been unable to identify his body.

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