My experience with Fetlife, much like the world in general, is that you get out of it what you put in. I have always viewed it as a kinky social media platform, rather than a place for hook ups, dating, or porn. Going in with this attitude, and with a view to making friends with spankos from all over the world, of all gender identities, and of different roles, has allowed me to make some amazing friends. I don't think it's an understatement to say that I would not have had the real life experiences that I have had if it weren't for Fetlife.
That isn't to say that I haven't sent messages to female spankees in the hope that a relationship or dynamic might develop, though I have always reached out to people on Fetlife from the starting point that they are humans first, and spankos second.
And whilst I have had generally very good experiences, I am conscious that it is an imperfect platform. I am fortunate enough to be a cishet white male, and therefore don't have to sift through the hundreds of gross messages that people (mostly older men) send to female spankees. I don't think I understood why so many woman had set their profiles to "99 years old" from "Antarctica" until friends started showing me the suggestive and sexual messages that they get from some men. | 
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