then, in walks Lonewulf...
I joined fetlife twice. The first time was a complete swing and miss. Nobody seemed interested in talking to me, but naturally, because I wasn't putting myself out there. I was, but not in away that any ladies appreciated (go to any dating site, being a guy, and you'll know what I mean).
The second time, I had a female friend (she was in a relationship with her bo) walking me through where to go and "what not to say." I didn't do much better, as I didn't feel like me. One of those, "I'd rather people hate me for what I am, than like me for what I'm not" situations. I DID get to go to one of the parties, which was a total bust. After the fact, I was told I should have gone to the brunch (or some word like that) before it.
Free word of advice, parties you find out going on throught fet, and what-have-you's are tres expensive. If you feel like getting roped into spending cash, as someone milks you for all you're worth, then go to the parties. The ratio of guys to gals are usually somewhere around 20-30:1 So you are going to be a "simp" (old school definiition, not the Millenial bastardization definition) if you think you have a chance in hell of finding someone. Compounded by the idea that most gals go there with their bo, and while this was 25+ years ago, I don't believe the landscape has changed that much, regardless what others here claim, most gals there are not Dommes, if there is, they go there with one guy, and meet up with regulars they know.
Most places that open regular, have a Fem tops night, girls/guys only nights and the other days of the week are straights with male tops, but fem tops can go too. Inever went to gay or lesbian nights, nor Fem top nights. Those might have been jam packed for all I know, but you're still talking about a 1:4 to 1:14 ratio of days where straights and male tops have rule of the roost, which is why I've said the numbers aren't that good for straight or gay male bottoms. I had a friend of mine who I met online, who was male bottom and validated such odds (again this was 20+ years ago).
Then again, there is some shindig in Vegas every year that is high female count but lesbian, and high male bottoms that go there, with few straight male tops in attendance, so perhaps those kinds of shindigs balance out those numbers. Who knows, I don't care so I only pay enough attention to those parties to know NOT to go.
Basically, Fet Life is very cliquey. You only get "accepted" if you go in as a phoney (sorry folks, but I calls them as I sees them). Yet the funny thing is they at the same time claim to hate phoneys, which is why I said it's cliquey, that way they can say you don't belong because you are phoney, or not phoney enough.
The only reason I got accepted in the second time was because of the friend and she spoke up for me. However, that only gets your foot in the door, you have to push your way in afterwards, and heaven help you if you don't walk how they think you should.
A better idea would be for you to find house parties, which have smaller quantities of people, and sometimes better odds of meeting/playing with someone, but the odds are still high dudes to dudettes (around 1:3). However house parties are by word of mouth, subject to interrogation, and usually still tres expensive.
Naturally, the hype of celebrities attending parties is just to bring simps with fat wallets in (except the Vegas one, but even then... ). House parties sometiimes advertise on Fet Life, but by and large, they don't like fet life people. The only way I got invited to house parties was from knowing someone who was a regular.
So, again, even house parties are cliquey. To a degree, it makes sense, because they don't want party poopers, or someone who is too wild. Usually the best parties are run by vimens, but they normally have muscle by the way of 1 or 2 guys and or off duty cops (male or female). |
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