Is spanking a secret in your relationship ?

For how many of you, where spanking is a secret in your relationship, meet up with others to staisfy your spanking desires ? How do you feel about that and does it jeopardise that relationship ?

in my case I did try to be aboveboard and tell my girlfriend about my desires and in most cases that was not what broke us up. My obsession(passion) did outweigh her desire to please me and at least try it so I did get several spanking sessions in before we broke up. When I got married my wife did know about my desires, but does not want to play it as often as I would like so I am stuck in my desires and her reluctance to get spanked at her age. So all my partners did know my desire, but only one did stay with me and after kids came in there were not many moments for spanking fun so I have to be happy with my memories and also my secret side that I do come to spanking sites. Have a great day.
Jim

Jimc, our stories are so very much alike, brother. I am going my through almost exactly what to stated verbatim. It's difficult at times being in love with somebody me who is a vanilla.

yes, in many ways I do wish I could be more open about my desires (passions) to the outside world and find other like-minded people off the street as it were, but while I love my wife I do wish she enjoyed my passion as much as I do. Have a great day.
Jim

Thanks Jim and Bunwarmer, if only our ladies could be more open to spanking and enjoying what we like and need it would make for more happy and comfortable relationships.

I wonder if this is an issue with submission? My daughter is about to get married and in the preparation meetings, 4 couples were asked if they wanted "obey" in the marriage vows. 4 husbands to be said "yes" and 4 wives to be said "no"!
To agree to be spanked, we have to submit to our spanker, and accept some degree of pain (whether erotic or punishment) and I think there is an issue here, regardless of male or female roles.
My husband and I are opposite as it was me who instigated spanking into our relationship and my husband who gradually warmed to it. I had buried my desires for years and allowed them to break free rather late in life, but I have no doubt that it has enhanced our relationship and brought us closer together as we are exploring our sexuality more intensely.

No, it's not a secret in our marriage.

Elorac, your words do indeed give me hope for that part of my relationship wife my beloved. The thing with her is that she is lukewarm to it right now @ best. What I mean by that is that she knows how I feel as it pertains to spanking being a part of our relationship, but the why is what still baffles her, which I can't exactly blame her for. A lot of us on here have had a propensity for spamming in some way, shape or form for as long as we can remember, so to many of us it's as natural as breathing. I had to face the fact that I love the idea of spanking a ladies bum, hearing a spanking in progress, etc. I'm always finding myself scoping out all types of shapes and sizes of bottoms that I see everyday on the street or at work and I think to myself, "I wonder they are into getting their bum smacked silly." It's just the way we're wired, I suppose.

Elorac, I agree about it being an issue with submissions, but also knowing the other person isn't completely comfortable with the idea and they are only participating to make the other partner happy. I know in my case since this is still fairly new to us, even though I'm the one who asked to be spanked, I know my husband is still wary. This causes me to have trouble truly submitting to a spanking. I even tend to call an end to it before I really want to.

I'm also curious of all the people who have issues with their spouses not wanting to participate in a spanking are you interested in being the top or bottom. I know me personally, if my husband were to as me to top for him I don't know that I would be able to. I have naturally submissive tendencies and I doubt I could do it justice. I might be willing to try some days...

As someone who had to find spanking and bondage partners back in the 70's 80's and 90's before the Internet met made it easy to find partners, I think you should just smile and request. Most people will try anything reasonable. This is better than sitting down and having the talk which puts too much pressure on the situation. Hey, at worst you will have to try one her strange requests.