Is spanking a secret in your relationship ?

My wife also knows about my spanking fetish, but does not like it. Both of us are really loyal to each other and our family and I behave as though I didn't have this obsession when around them all - in other words I suppress my desires. The question that intrigues me is, when my wife and I were courting there was no such thing as the internet. If I was 20 years old now, and had the same obsession, would I have gone out with my wife or would I have sought, via the internet, a female spanko who liked to be spanked? It's a question that cannot be answered but ... I do wonder.

Similar to my experience, Steve. I did confess the fetish to various girlfriends through my 20's, 30's and 40's, none of whom were that way inclined (though one did kindly pass me a review copy of Robert Coover's 'Spanking the Maid'), but as a younger man I still thought of it as 'wrong' somehow, and felt guilt and shame - only much later did I come to realise and accept that it was an innocent and important part of my psyche, and that it should at the least be a serious criterion in choosing a partner (by which time it was too late). Even before the internet, there were, I'm sure, networks, a community of sorts, but they weren't as accessible, and required more commitment and courage to connect with than I had at the time, beset as I was by that isolating shame.

My workmates at my former workplace found out about my spanking fetish in the year 2008. One of my workmates came upon me as I was reading a spanking fetish-related book during my morning coffee break. I did not really try hard to hide it. That workmate of mine, he went around the entire factory during the next few hours after he found out about me. And he told everyone about my kink.

At the lunch break I found out that all of my workmates knew about my kink. But they did not condemn me. They were just amused. Sweden is a tolerant society I suppose. My wife and my sister also know about my kink and they think it is a little weird. My workmates at my current workplace probably all know by now about my kink. For I take spanklit books with me to work and read them openly in the lunchroom during our breaks. No one minds.

I guess that it has never occurred to me to be ashamed of my kink. It is just so "natural" to me. And innocent!

So well stated Elorac.

I think a good post by Uksteve, I too have wondered if I was starting out today I would seek a spanking partner and not ended up with my vanilla wife. as Steve says, it can't really be answered. I have wondered if I was looking now, as a 65 year old, what i would look for ? i am a bit of a naturist too, again something my wife isn't interested in, so again I think that would be something I wanted too.

I tried to win myself a kinky woman when I was looking for a wife during the period 2006 through 2009. I hung out on www.alt.com, the web-based dating site for kinky persons. But no one there was interested in me! For some reason I was not perceived as being good enough by the kinky members of the opposite sex! I have no idea why. Anyways, I ended up marrying a vanilla woman whom I met on a Swedish conventional dating site. And I am happy anyways. I have now been happily married for nine years.

All´s well that ends well!

I was in a relationship couple of years ago. But both my girlfriend and me were vanilla back then. We mutually broke up but stayed as good friends. We still meet sometimes in social gatherings with other friends. It was after we broke up, I discovered my interest in spanking.

Later, once or twice, I left a subtle hint or two in kind of joking manner. Once I boldly managed to say that if I had spanked that love tush, may be we'd still be in a relationship. She gave me an awkward look and said if I had tried that, she'd rip my arm off and crush my skull with that. The price was too steep for a little kinkiness. May be it was for the best that I didn't try it with her.

I did try alt.com for a while, but it all seemed to be too much towards the bondage and heavy BDSM end of the kink for my taste, with spanking regarded as a minor element of the play - if at all. Fine if you like going all shibari with intricate rope-work, or dressing up like an extra from a local production of 'The Rocky Horror Show' - but personally I just like to spank. Which in alt.com terms, I gathered, made me little short of vanilla. So maybe it was the same for you, Galt - just not kinky enough....

PhilK

Maybe, PhilK, maybe. I still sometimes wonder what might have happened if a lady with the tag "SubSwedWoman" had responded to my many emails. I was persistent with her. Sent her a total of six or seven messages. But she only sent a short message in which declined to meet me or interact with me.

I was really interested in SubSwedWoman because of the photo of herself which she uploaded onto the alt.com site. At first I could not figure out what the heck I was looking at. The pix looked like two big white hemispheres with a little orange dot in the middle.

The truth hit me like a ton of bricks when I finally realized what I was looking at.

SubSwedWoman had got down naked on her knees and elbows in front of a camera - with her butt facing the lens - and she had stuffed a carrot up her you-know-what!

That was how SubSwedWoman tried to get the gents attention on the alt.com site! I felt that I just had to check out SubSwedWoman!

Of course SubSwedWoman´s face did not show in the photo. So I would not recognize her if I passed her in the street. But I have never gotten that broad off of my mind. She was just so outrageous!

Ah but if SubSwedWoman were to have a Marilyn Monroe moment over a subway grating, as Marilyn did in the film The Seven Year Itch and she had the aforementioned root vegetable in situ, and you witnessed it, well, no introduction would be required me thinketh.