A New Joke Thread

I love this joke. It inspired: http://www.spanko.net/spanking_forums/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=3431&sid=7e9c9fea804900eedb e82d294557ba64

That is god one, Rachel!

Wheatwine, I think your joke is what used to be called a "shaggy dog story."

On a bend of the Yukon River in Alaska is a little town called Russian Mission. Here's the absolutely true story of how it got there.

In the mid-19th century, while Alaska was still a Russian colony, an intrepid Orthodox priest travelled up the Yukon River until he came to a small settlement of Yukon Indians. He'd taught himself the language, so he sought out the chief and explained he hoped to bring the Christian gospel to his people and build a small church.

"Well," said the chief, "I think our Medicine Man might have something to say about that." He summoned the Medicine Man, who surveyed the priest scornfully.

"So you say you worship the True God?" he demanded. "We have gods of our own that our ancestors have reverenced for generations. Nonetheless, I will give you your chance. If your god can show himself more powerful than ours, you may preach of him to the tribe."

He led the priest outside and had two large stacks of kindling wood piled up. "Let us see," he said, "if our Yukon gods, or yours, can bring fire from the sky."

While all the tribe watched fascinated, the Medicine Man danced furiously around his stack of wood, invoking all the gods of the Yukon. And finally, after a long while, a thin curl of smoke rose from the centre of the pile.

"There!" he said triumphantly, wiping the sweat from his face. "Can your god do better?"

"I don't know," said the priest. "But I'll try."

Kneeling down, he took from his pack his most precious relic, an icon of St Methodius, and prayed before it with all his might. And from the clear blue sky a bolt of lightning struck down and the woodpile burst into flame.

Reluctantly the Medicine Man admitted defeat, and the priest was granted permission to preach his gospel. But afterwards he quietly took the priest aside. "Ok," he said, "as one con-artist to another, how did you work that one?"

"Oh, it's quite simple," replied the priest. "You see, anything Yukon do, icon do better."

This might make you groan as loud as Phil K's did me:


Fishing one day, Hamish caught a salmon. He'd unhooked it and was about to clobber it on the head when the salmon said,

"Hello."

Stunned, Hamish held his catch so they were face to face, and stared at it hard, wondering if he'd been hallucinating.

"Hello, I'm Rusty," said the salmon, clear as day.

Gulping, astonished, Hamish shared his name too, and they got chatting. A talkative fish, Rusty was soon in full flow.

"Oh yes," he said, "I've been all over, Hamish. Back and forth across the Atlantic more times than you've had hot dinners."

"I doubt that," said Hamish.

"Well, I have. I'm older than you might think; for example, I was there when the Titanic hit the iceberg."

"No!"

"I was, Hamish, I was. I wrote a long poem about it."

"Really?"

"Yes. You might have heard of it. The Titanic Verses by Salmon Rusty."

Curse you Gail, now I can't get Monty Python's "Decomposing Composers" out of my mind...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Decomposing_Composers

My brother says, in case I die suddenly, can I will him all my vital organs?

He's a man after my own heart.

Whilst we are on a medical theme, Phil.....

A man is in his hospital bed on the ward recovering from surgery when the young theatre nurse appears, checks his pulse and asks him how he's feeling.
"I'm ok, I think" says the patient, but I didn't like the four-letter word the surgeon used during the operation"
"Really?" asked the nurse, flicking the thermometer, "I've never heard the doctor swear. What on earth did he say?"

"Oops!"

BlooDenim,"flicking the thermometer" showing your age there Sir, glass mercury thermometers are so yesterday, its all that elf 'n' safety and environmental concerns nowadays.

In Sweden we have a tradition of telling ethnic jokes about our neighbors the Norwegians. We have a friendly rivalry with them, for the Norwegians tell ethnic jokes about us Swedes (Now why in the world would those dumb Norwegians do such a stupid thing as that? There must be something wrong with them!).

Well, anyhoo - here is an example of a "Norway joke".

Imagine that there is a contest. The contest takes place in a boxing ring.

In one corner of the boxing ring there is a dumb Norwegian. In the second corner of the boxing ring there is an intelligent Norwegian. In the third corner of the boxing ring there is Batman. In the fourth and final corner of the boxing ring there is Superman. The referee places a bottle of fine Scotch whiskey in the exact center of the boxing ring.

Now, when the referee blows his whistle all four contestants are supposed to run out from their respective corners of the boxing ring and try to grab the bottle of whiskey first. The winner gets to drink the contents of the whiskey bottle!

Now, if you arranged this type of a contest - who do you think would win?

Well, I will help you out. It just has to be the dumb Norwegian who wins the contest and enjoys the whiskey. But - why? Why is it the only possibility in reality that the dumb Norwegian wins the contest?

I´ll tell ya.

It cannot be Superman who wins the contest, because Superman does not exist. And it cannot be Batman who wins the contest because Batman does not exist. And it cannot be the intelligent Norwegian who wins the contest because . . .