Humiliation

Interesting. BB's comment pretty well sums it up for me. He feels that humiliation and embarrassment are pretty well synonymous and I have to agree. Sure, we can always veer off course but when we get right down to it, who out there can actually define any intricate differences between these sweet two relatives?

Can we have one without the other?

When it comes to my own experiences as a spankee, I prefer to describe myself being "humbled" rather than "humiliated". The two words must come from the same root, but somehow "humbled" puts a more positive spin on things.

I think this is spot on. To me, humbled is mainly an internal reaction: YOU feel humbled because of something you did or something you are. Humiliated is mainly an external reaction: SOMEBODY ELSE humiliated you because of something you did or something you are. Of course, it isn't quite as clear cut as that as it is definitely possible to humiliate oneself, but even then it seems halfway external: SOMETHING ELSE in you is humiliating you.

I think the humiliation aspect is a very important part for me in my stories, or maybe it can be described as a strong sense of utter embarrassment flowing through the characters. From this thread, I'm not really certain though if I define humiliation in the exact same manner as an English speaking person do. I've realized over the years that I have a problem with the fine tuning of the English language and it's difficult for me to get the exact nuance or tone when I construct sentences. I define humiliation as when your pride is hurt or you feel intimidated or degraded, to try to use synonyms. You feel shame racing through you, your cheeks go red and you begin to sweat. As when someone has revealed something very private about you in public and people laugh at you and you just want to sink through the ground.

I like when I manage to come up with a plot when someone who has never before (or as an adult) been spanked and is completely stunned when she's upended (because it's almost always 'she' in my stories) and even better if it is a mistaken spanking, age confusion, or an unjust one. I would define that as a moment of humiliation, maybe blended with shock and confusion.

I enjoy trying to blend strong emotions of humiliation with a for the person very unexpected and sudden tingle inside, which together forms a storm of confusion which forces the spankee to just stay down, full of contradicting emotions, while she gets her bottom fried. The best is when I can tweak it into that she herself can't understand why she complies to such a degrading experience, but at the same time is torn between thinking that maybe she deserved it, or, horrible thought, did she even enjoy a part of it and thus she can't stand up for herself and bring the spanking to an end.

There are many different ways these emotions can be added in different proportions, but what over the years I've had hard to work with is when a spanking is delivered in agreement, to the full enjoyment of both participants and without any embarrassment involved at all. I've only managed to write that a handful of times. I find that scenario much more difficult to form a plot around and very hard to get emotional. Maybe in time I'll get better at that, I hope so.

From a strongly realistic point of view, I imagine, that while humiliation is a strong emotion, that physical pain would be an overriding feeling, especially if it's a bun roasting spanking, and not some pithy butt patting. (note: a pithy butt patting might cause greater humiliation because either by sheer strength or by an act of coersion, someone has gained the upper hand over another, but then choses to use a weak form of punishment, which belies their true control over another).

So, in my mind, the order of least to worse would be: embarrassment, humiliation, physical pain. The first two are logical/internal and the last emotion/external. The first two are derived from THINKING, which are higher brain functions which go out the door for the most part when the primative brain takes over. When you are young and you stick your finger in a fire, you don't THINK "pull my finger out and stick it in my mouth" you just do it, thereby the primative mind, which seeks to protect your body at all costs,and it does it in sometimes IRRATIONAL ways. From that, the logical brain kicks in and you might feel embarrassed for doing something foolish, and thereby feel humiliation if someone saw you do it, like a parent, especially if they say "I TOLD you not to do that! Maybe next time you'll listen to me when I warn you."

In my mind, that form of correction (in general) linked with a rationalization that you put yourself into that situation, and "owning the situation" (something adults SHOULD do), would mitigate any humilation to bearable levels.

Humilation at unbearable levels would be where you either childishly, or righteously feel the cause of the humiliation was unfair, unjust, and unwarranted. A rationalization for those thoughts, would be where you don't have any respect for the person who caused the humiliation.

Embarrassment is a simpler emotion that might be linked to the primative mind as it causes a physical response: blushing (which is caused by increased blood flow, which is caused by increased heartbeats. I say it might be linked to the primative mind because you don't think"this is embarrassing" then blush, you ate usually blushing prior to thinking it. And the heart is an autonomic body function; you don't control how fast or slow your heart beats. Your your cognitive thoughts can increase or decrease autonomic functions by, for instance, THINKING "I have to calm down" and taking deep breaths. Whereas humiliation is strictly a mental thought where you THINK in terms of perceptions.

There are three parts of the brain, basically. The cognitive or logic side, the creative side, and then the primitive side. The primative side is where emotions come from, althought some believe emotions are from the creative side, thus why they say it's the feminine side, whereas the logical side is the masculine side, based off that women are more ruled by emotions, while men purportedly are more logic driven. This is pure poppycock, as men are just as driven by emotions and women are just as capable of being pathological (truly unemotional).

It's just that women find certain things important which causes an emotional response, whereas men find different things important which causes an emotional response, but even that is arguable. But for the most part, that is stereotypically true. Whether those are preprogrammed responses or learned is hotly debated.

A lot of interesting thoughts in this thread. To me spanking between adults is a form of power play and the intensity of the experience is owed largely to the humiliation involved. How is it ever not humiliating to be taken over someone's knee and spanked? I think maybe the distinction some are making between embarrassment and humiliation is really the presence or absence of an erotic component. If school kids are bullying a handicapped student, that is completely un-erotic and repellent, whether you say they're embarrassing their victim or humiliating him/her. The same distinction applies to the application of pain. If one person is simply beating the shit out of somebody, that's not sexy. In an erotic context, even one involving nonconsensual play, I think pain is simply a register of the authenticity of the spankee's submission to the spanker. But for me, it's much more about the spankee's feelings of humiliation/embarrassment than about her/his physical suffering.

I'd say that embarrassment is a temporary feeling of awkwardness, which goes away as soon as the embarrassing situation is over, while humiliation deals a blow at one's sense of self and self-importance, and can have long-lasting effects.

For example, someone with an exaggerated idea of their own importance might be made to realise that other people don't share that opinion.

Myrkassi, I think that is the best explanation of the difference in meaning of those two terms in this thread. Thank you.

Geoffrey Stirling.

In my opinion humiliation is subjective, what gives a feeling of humiliation to one person would not be felt as humiliating by others.

I see embarrassment as something we bring upon ourselves, humiliation is something that is brought upon us by others, we can laugh during or after embarrasment, humiliation we generally cannot or do not do so.

So on that basis i say humiliation is very much part of a spanking story, do i like reading about heavy humiliation in a story? yes if it fits into the story But for me it is the skill of the author in describing that humiliation, or well worded planting of 'humiliation' seeds in my little grey cells, which enable me take the story in a direction of my liking.

I think another distinction is that we can be embarrassed by positive things, eg being praised publicly or coming first in a competition. But humiliation is wholly negative.