Hello.
As far as I know, you've posted to the correct place in the forum to ask whatever questions you like. No worries there.
I presume you are a young ADULT female (if not, as you leave don't let the door hit you, where the good lord split ya).
I've always used the three S's:
Safe
Sane
conSensual.
Wise words to live by.
Beyond what others have said/suggested (which all seems like great advice)...
As an adult, YOU are the one who needs to worry about whose care you put your precious little booty in. It's a great thing to ask for advice, but implementing the advice is all on you. Feel scared? You should be. Being scared heightens your senses to make sure you're doing everything possible to stay safe (don't get dopey dreamy-eyed).
While there is nothing wrong with starting out with someone who is equally new, per se, it's probably advisable to start with someone who seems more experienced. This is harder to determine as most guys who are new will LIE that they are more experienced than they actually are. Don't let age fool you, an older guy isn't necessarily more experienced. He may be only more experienced at lying.
Don't start out by jumping in the deep end of the pool on your first date. EVERY relationship starts with a first date.
Don't start out saying you want a relationship ("for discipline/stress relief purposes"). It rarely ever works out that way. First, get yourself spanked. Get your feet wet. Find out who and what you like. THEN think about future meetings. There is nothing wrong with saying there's possibilities of future encounters, but leave that as an option after your first spankings.
Absolutely DO NOT ever let them restrain you in any way, shape, or form on the first date. Anybody that suggests it, turn around and run away! Restraint doesn't ONLY mean handcuffs, but also includes letting him pin your wrist to the small of your back. Understand, Over-The-Knee is a VERY vulnerable position to be put into. It is rather hard to get away from someone while in that position, so make sure you trust them before assuming the position.
Don't start out thinking you can/want to go with hard discipline. It may be great in fantasy than in reality. Yes, eventually you'll want to take off your training wheels, and there is nothing to prepare you for the night/day difference between fun spankings and disciplinary spankings, but again, start out in the shallow end of the pool first. If you like that much, then ask to step it up.
Safe words are best. Let him come up with a safe word (it fulfills the idea of his being in control), but if he forgets, prompt him. If YOU don't establish one, it's YOUR fault. You might think "I'll just start streaming sentences explaining to stop if it gets too much" but you'll find it harder to breathe while being spanked, let alone get a sentence out, let alone a word. make Sure it's short.
DON'T think yourself so tough that you can "take whatever he dishes out." Yes, it might fulfill fantasies to "be at his mercy," to be helpless, and to get "disciplined," but start out in the shallow end of the pool first, which leads me to...
Drop your fantasies. Again, let's get you spanked first. There is time to talk about fantasies LATER into a relationship (No, "later" doesn't mean "an hour later"). Find someone who doesn't push your boundaries (too much (within reason, there might always be a slight push on your boundaries. Don't think this wrong, but if the spanks all start pushing the boundaries too far, then something is wrong)). Which leads me to...
And in concert with "don't think yourself too tough," don't fear using your safe word. Don't worry that he might think you're weak for using it. If you have a concern, USE IT. That's what it's there for. In all my previous encounters, whether they are devotees, or newbies, I've usually asked "are you okay?" several times. I've asked this more when I know someone is new to it all. That isn't how everyone starts their first time spanking someone (until you become familiar with each other).
Don't lie about your experience or lack thereof. It will become apparent you are, rather quickly. Again, drop your fantasies of being caught in a fib.
Here's a thought, make sure you speak the same language. I'm not being racist, or whatever. It's too convenient for them to say "Oh! I didn't understand you!" even if that might be the truth. Eliminate as many possible misunderstandings as you can. Your safety depends on it.
AVOID and call things to a STOP, if the Top is spending too much time concerned with your face. They should be focused on your backside. An occasional glance is okay, but constant looks will create possible chances to miss their "target." You might not think so, but a hard smack to the upper area of the backside and/or lower back WILL cause hard to you. Where you are fleshiest is the best place to smack (upper leg areas are sort of okay, and give you those "won't sit properly for a week!" moments, but they should be few and far between (when you get them you'll be all manner of "Oh, ha-ha ha! They are definitely NOT 'sort of okay'!" Yes, they sting like crazy, but there won't be long lasting harm).
Don't be afraid to ask them to move around a bit more. If they keep smacking the same spot, repeatedly and consistently, you won't have a very good experience. It's YOUR tush, you will live with whatever you ALLOW to happen to it. Open up your mouth. Speak your mind. Just don't make it sound like an order. Most Tops will be accommodating.
Things you want to ask yourself and establish with him/her:
What position you want to be spanked in? You might think OTK, but instead also think about bent over the bed edge, hands on knees, or another less vulnerable position.
What sex the other person is? You said "fatherly" but since you seem to suggest for non-sexual pursuits, you might consider "motherly" as well (there is no benefit there as "crazy" comes in all packages).
Do you want to be bare bottomed? Rubbing and caressing your buns goes hand in hand with spankings, but hands and fingers wander. Be up front what you ALLOW and don't (NEVER take anything for granted).
What do you want to be spanked with? It's all nice to think a paddle or cane is what you've always fantasized about, but again, start out in the shallow end of the pool. A hand is best to start with (if he is much older, don't be surprised he wants to use A glove (two gloves, run!)).
Things to think about:
Sometimes a hand spanking gets you going, sometimes it's not. Know yourself. Sometimes a hand/paddle/slipper causes a blunt force impact, where you might like the "sting" of a crop/switch/cane. This isn't something you will know starting out, but something you might want to experience (like the differences between a male to female top). In other words, try them out, especially if you find a hand spanking wasn't as much "fun" as you imagined. Everybody is different, some like the large area impacts, while another prefers the burning small area sting.
Hands are like leather products. Wood implements have mass and are unrelenting. (most bottoms find wood implements best used in a fireplace for some odd reason). Wood products should be used CAREFULLY. Alternatively, crops, switches and canes are an exception to the "wood" rule.
Feel free to drop a comment to give us an update. I like hearing about good first encounters. Bad encounters don't make me happy, but suggestions to avoid future bad ones are always possible.
I don't believe in luck, but I DO hope you find red bottomed happiness.
further thoughts:
Before you "step it up" take a 15-30 minute break. Talk about what happened and what you think. This may come easily, or it might come out in a flood (more likely the latter). Discuss what you liked or didn't like. Ask if you should have done something different with your Top.
You might want to take off all sharp or pointed objects. High Heels are dangerous to the Top, if you start "kicking" your legs during your spanking.
A further word on the "strike zone." The upper backside has thin padding. There is mostly bone under that area. Bone CAN be damaged if hit hard enough or with a hard enough implement. Long lasting harm will occur. The occasional "miss" to this region, or light smacks, is sort of okay, but, like the leg tops, shouldn't be hit frequently. The lower back region has soft tissue under it that doesn't heal quickly or at all (kidneys, etc). You won't feel pain when bone is hit, but damage may still be happening.
Generally speaking, strip down, turn around, and look in a mirror. Touch the area halfway up the butt crack. Bend over and touch this same area. Remember the feel of touch in this area. As a rule of thumb, this is the "no man's land." Direct your Top away from this area, if they keep hitting it repeatedly.
If you go over the knee, you might want to keep your high heels you took off, within hands reach. These make effective weapons if the Top gets out of control. Go for whatever is convenient, and nearby, like their feet/legs. A couple of firm whacks from the heel on their tootsies normally will weaken most people's grip.
As much as safety tips are given to you, allow the Top to have their safety assured too.
Oh, and you might want to bring a small pillow for the journey home (seriously).
I DO hope you find red bottomed happiness. |
