When Vanilla says...

Kind People:

What do you do when your vanilla spouse says NO to TTWD?

1. Remain faithful in your marriage.
2. Seek relief outside of your marriage.
3. Keep on hinting all the way to outright asking/begging.
4. Try to convince your vanilla spouse to at least give it a try.
5. Beg, Plead, Brat.
6. Give her reading material that explains why we are what we are.
7. Suck it up buttercup.
8. ????

I have tried all but number 2. Things are looking even more boring in the bedroom after we have both retired. Any suggestions? I know she has fantasizes but she will not share them. Deep Sigh.

Am I the only one who has no clue as to what TTWD means?!

I'm sure you're not, but for once this is one I know: That Thing We Do.

If the relief is just spanking (eg from a professional) then I wouldn't see 1 and 2 as mutually exclusive, but I accept it could be difficult to persuade the spouse of that.

It's not the first time this problem has been raised on this forum, and there probably aren't any easy answers.

TTWD = This Thing We Do (doubly safe, as an initialism of an already secretive phrase)


You could try reading WellRed Weekly Volume 1 Article 10, helpfully titled "Getting your vanilla partner to whack your butt" and you might also consider Volume 6 article 3 "The Satisfaction of Self-spanking". The 14 volumes of the Weekly are available under Sites (between Features and Logout) and contain about 160 fascinating articles - hours of browsing fun there.

I sympathise with your big sigh. It's usually inadvisable even to begin thinking about the idea of contemplating trying to advise, but... if it were me, I'd keep trying to find a way to coax your wife into sharing her own best fantasy and take it from there.

I just finished reading "Sex with Shakespeare" by Jillian Keenan. Late on in the book she describes how - after years of frustration - she finally managed to get her husband on board with spanking her the way she wanted. He wasn't stubbornly uncooperative, but, as a vanilla, he just didn't get it and her timidity matched his. Her advice is simply to talk, talk and then talk some more - keep communicating. This may not be helpful to you initially, but if you can find a chink in your wife's refusenik armour, then it probably will become so.

I realize this may sound cold or even overly simplistic but the honest answer for me is, was, and would be: 'not applicable' because I never have nor would marry someone who did not share my interest. Nor can I even begin to understand why anyone would.

While vanilla-to-kinky conversions are a hot topic, I tend to see them like the old Python "Pet Shop" skit where the clerk who has none of the animals his customer wants tries to assure him that he can convert a terrier into whatever he desires.

My wife is a vanilla, and as the man she was married to before me was physically abusive, my wife is completely averse to spanking. So I lead a sort of "double-life". My wife and I enjoy conventional sexual activity (every now and then). And I indulge my spanking fetish with the help of the right kind of erotic books and websites and without my wife´s involvement.

I lucked out, she knew ahead of time.
Having said that, I wish I had some sage advice to offer.
Did she know before you were married?

The only advice I have is to openly communicate with your partner and to seek relief outside the marriage. I'm very fortunate that my partner understands that he doesn't understand, and is supportive of me going to spanking parties etc. The afore mentioned Jillian Keenan's husband in this thread tried to understand...but he and Jillian divorced a few years back and she's now in a relationship with a fellow spanko. I truly think non-understanding of spanko issues can end a relationship if a mutually-happy conclusion can't be found, so I wish you luck.

Go to a spanking party. Then, if you are discovered, at least there is no suggestion of a relationship with an individual. It won't get it out of your system but at least you will have done it.