A grammar question

Okay, I can't seem to find this one on the net.

Now when a relation is part of a name then the relationship is capitalized. For example, it's
"Is Cousin Joan's coming for the summer?", not "Is cousin Joan's coming for the summer?". When you say "That's Cousin Joan" the C is a capital one because it's been incorporated into her name.

That one was easy to confirm. But is it:
"My mom's Cousin Joan is coming for the summer" or "My mom's cousin Joan is coming for the summer"? That is, is the relationship mentioned there still part of the proper noun?

As you said, use a capital when it's used as a title e.g. Uncle Don and Aunt Melania, and don't when it's not (my uncle, Don...) so...

In the example above, I'd say it's very hard to make a case for the first (with capital) version. Maybe if you were comparing Cousin Joans you might say "My Cousin Joan is nicer than your Cousin Joan" in which 'Cousin' is used as a title.

You could make a case for "My mom's Cousin Joan is coming for the summer" if it's previously established that she's always referred to as 'Cousin Joan' and not just 'Joan' by mom.

Otherwise, I'd prefer "My mom's cousin, Joan, is coming for the summer"

I agree with myrkassi's second example. In that structure Joan is in apposition to "my mom's cousin". What I was taught is that comas must separate the two which makes clear the structure.

It seems few follow that "rule" anymore, but I believe comas in this case really help.


What I find most confusing in this example is the apostrophe-s after Joan. "Is Cousin Joan's coming for the summer?" What purpose does it serve?

Sorry - the apostrophe-s was a typo. I was originally going with a different line, "Cousin Joan's coming for the summer" - but then I'd be starting the sentence with Cousin, meaning that it had it to capitalized regardless of it was part of Joan's name. So I changed part of that sentence, but forgot to change the rest.

Goodgulf, that is a brilliant solution! Just start the sentence with the title and you will never be accused of poor grammar.

Alas, I can't craft dialogue that well. Not have it believable. I've settled on a compromise: the character keeps talking about Cousin Joan (the way she would use Aunt Joan) while referring to her mother's cousin Joan. As in:
"She's my mom's cousin Joan's stepdaughter." - referring to a character named Alison.
and:
"...by the end of August, Cousin Joan couldn't wait to send Alison away to college and Alison couldn't wait to leave."

It would be "My mom's cousin, Joan, is coming for the summer." It could conceivably be, "My mom's Cousin Joan is coming for the summer," if "Cousin" were part of the name or title. Frankly, this would be pretty clumsy writing. You wouldn't write, "My Father Henry" unless the relationship was that of a priest rather than a parent.

Or your (presumably adoptive) parents were a same-sex couple...!

Two options here:
1) waste time as you search and ask for advice
2) don't worry about it and make the poor validators have to figure it out! 😜

On a side note, I concur that lower case "cousin Joan" is correct.