Dear Dund93
I hope this helps. I send you my sincere condolences.
I lost the love of my life 13 years ago after a long battle (bravely fought) to cancer. I thought my life was over and it was a source of great annoyance to me when I kept waking up every morning. My Love was a beautiful lady and I am sure your love was just the same. I can still picture so many moments with her, good times as well as the last difficult ones. Make sure you remember the good as well as the bad, think of her smile and laugh, and sometimes the tears you shared. Do not hide yourself behind your sadness.
I remember crying, being so very alone. and in those first few weeks tired and guilty at being here still. Questions plagued me like did i do enough?, did I tell her I loved her enough?....of course I did, and i am sure you did too....so if you have these doubts don't worry it is perfectly normal. Everything in the house had memories and it seemed so empty. Life itself seemed meaningless and in reality i drifted through it for the next year or so. I still remember my June, and I can still cry my eyes out when I think of some particularly difficult moments, but as the years have passed it happens less.
So how is this suppose to be of any help to you....the truth is I dont know if it will be.
You my dear Dund93 have to face this and sort yourself out. Lots of people will be there to support and be kind, but the pain will still be there when they have moved on and are getting on with their lives....and that is perfectly natural. For the first few years I felt that I was smiling at the world but inside I was screaming but no-one could hear me. You are going to go through such emotions that few people will have any comprehension of how you are feeling.
BUT i would say this.
Firstly I am sure your lady would not want you to be sad for ever, she would want you to go on and build a new happy life. I know that sounds ridiculous and impossible but my dear Dund93 it can happen, because Secondly, time helps make the pain tolerable. It does not mean you will forget, it does not mean you will love her any less in one, five, ten years time, it does not mean you will not feel the pain, but life will slowly become live able again and you will be able to live a good life with her memory along side you.
I hope this helps....to be honest I don't think it will...but you keep going for both of you.
Sorry I feel my words are no where near enough to convey to you what I am trying to say.
Take care, and remember there is at least one person out there who can hear you scream with the pain.
I hope you read this and take something from it. I have ditthered about posting this as i dont want to cause even more upset for you. But I am posting it because I may not know you from Adam but I do care.
Dave the Hedge0g | 
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