Spankophile piece from the Huffington Post

This appeared in the HP last month...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vanessa-de-largie/please-spank-me_b_8242972.html

Absolutely true

I will be honest and say yes there were a few relevant parts in the article, however given the authors history regarding being an abuse survivor, i would have hoped that the safety aspect was more focused, as sadly there are folk who read something and then just think i will go for that.

Throwing in statements like "i enjoy the sting of a decent flogging," or "Buy a wooden paddle from a sex shop or get your partner to spank you with a brush or a whip" is all fine in a safe relationship or heeded by sensible folk, but alas we all know there are many who are not.

Sorry i sound like miss picky miserable britches i'm not honestly, and yes i know the piece is intended as titillation in her role as a sex blogger.

But i just know the way that folk are nowadays, they read it and do it, nothing wrong in more spanker/spankees just want safe not want newbies putting selves at risk, that is of course for spankee, but likewise for spanker, as consent and withdrawl of consent is in the news a lot recently.

As you say the piece is obviously just for titillation but I don't see how a spanking relationship requires any more trust than having a more conventional sexual relationship. Either you trust someone or you don't. If you don't don't let them spank you. Women are, one hopes, aware that some men cannot be trusted but I do hope it doesn't get to the stage where young people have to exchange written contracts before enjoying a kiss and a cuddle.

Indeed so, however Vanessa brings up words like flogging and whips, now the first result i got from google for a meaning in a dictionary of the word flogging was this definition "a ​punishment in which someone is ​beaten ​severely with a ​whip or a ​stick". A female telling a guy flog me with this whip, might have a sensible Gent from LSF wielding said implement, or could well have someone who is a sadist, who will have defence of well she asked me to flog her.

People read it and do it not considering the consequences, did the London fire Brigade not get a massive rise in callouts to folk who had got themselves locked into handcuffs after the Fifty Shades book hit the shelves?

Sadly despite folk like you, me and the rest here on LSF hopefully being sensible and using commonsense, many elsewhere are not, that was my point. If she had suggested a otk spank with hand then her 'safety' advice would be adequate, but this advice was in my opinion not adequate, when bringing whips and floggings into it, there should have been much stronger advice then.

I for one would only permit another to use a whip on me if i trusted them implicitly, and yes that level of trust would be a damned sight more than if it was just 'conventional' sex. No one with any commonsense would allow a person who they have only just met to whip, or even properly spank them, whereas sexual one night stands do occur.

Not seeking to argue over the matter, just stating my opinion of Vanessas article.

There's a lot in this article which makes assumptions, or worse, about which people may make assumptions which could lead to damage.

For instance, as RosieCheeks states, look up a dictionary definition of "flogging" and there is the sense of "severe beating". But my assumption is that she is referring to being hit with a flogger, which is something different altogether, a series of soft leather thongs on a handle. Now in BDSM terms this is more a sensuous toy, it may sting and redden a bit but if it cuts the skin you've got the wrong toy or you're using it way too hard. But a vanilla person wouldn't realise that.

And the term "whip" covers a lot of diverse ground - I've seen people using long single-tail whips which I wouldn't dare to use, however my observation is that in skilled hands it produces a satisfying crack but no lacerations, get some novice waving one around and they might have someone's eye out. I presume she really means some small item sold in a sex shop which might be of use with a spinning top.

An article of that length can't really cover all the range of implements and which are perfectly safe for novices to experiment with and which are inappropriate. As for trust, I reckon I've "played with" at least a dozen people at one time or another, and I'm not the greatest event-goer, and some of them I'd never met before - it depends on the "vibes" you get from the other person, who you are in company with and what the venue is like, in fact I've never refused to play but that doesn't mean I'd meet someone alone in a deserted building when I'd just come across them on a spanking website like someone I knew!

Well some like to be beaten reasonably hard. I have no idea whether she is one of them. I wouldn't trust a woman with a whip let alone a man personally. I take it the article is aimed at adults who are capable of making intelligent choices for themselves. Perhaps she expects her readership to possess a little common sense of their own. My own experience of being spanked and caned as an adult (many years ago I might add) is you would encourage your partner to make the punishment on the severe side and regret it before the punishment was even half finished. As no one back then had even heard of safe words you either had to look like a complete wimp or grin and "bare" it!!

Thank you that is the word ASSUMPTIONS, and i was taught to assume is to make an ASS out of U and ME.

It is of course likely that Vanessa means a flogger implement and a 'whip' from a adult shop, however if folk so chose or indeed were gung ho about it, then literal interpretations are very possible.

Even viewing it from a personal emotion aspect, do you go through possible embarrassment, nervousness, fear of being seen etc and go to a adult shop, or use online adult toy site and await your purchases. Hoping you are home at time of delivery rather than collecting it from a neighbour, who it's left with by courier, hopefully still discretely packaged. Or do you just take the non embarrassment route, and go to your local garden merchants or equestrian shop and buy a bamboo cane or crop etc.

On issue of trust as said earlier i am merely stating my opinion, i can only speak from personal opinion from learning and experience.

It is of course not possible to cover all the areas in such a article, however why could not a link have been added directing to a suitable site where correct advice etc could be gleaned.


Yes some of us like to 'beaten,' whether Vanessa is one too i don't know. Yes, i would hope that the readers of HP are adults with common sense and intelligence. But likewise if a journalist posts a article, then i would hope too that the article used intelligence and commonsense in its reporting, i go to a spanko site for 'fiction and fun' i look at an article on a news site as being more factual, informative etc.

As said previously i am only stating my opinion, i am not suggesting that anyone trialing derriere warming after reading the article is going to be harmed intentionally or otherwise, but Vanessa especially given her interest in womens issues and being an abuse survivor, could have sign posted readers who wanted the flogging, stings, whips etc to, a suitable site.

blimp blimp:
Well some like to be beaten reasonably hard. I have no idea whether she is one of them. I wouldn't trust a woman with a whip let alone a man personally.

Now there I can say that for my **th birthday I received a whipping whilst secured to a St. Andrew's cross from a lovely domme as part of my birthday present, I still have the "cracker" from the end and I have to say it was most enjoyable and not what I expected. I have a photo of the results if anyone is really interested :p
I have not had chance to repeat the experience, but would willingly undergo it again.

Whips have never done it for me but I was once at a party where a friend of mine was publicly horse whipped by his girlfriend. The horse whip was actually a spoof birthday present for another girl. He said afterwards that it didn't hurt nearly as much as the canings he received at school but it all looked faintly embarrassing and I wasn't in the least bit tempted to volunteer.