The Church of Spanking Fiction?

Hey, if we are going to declare a religion, we need a deity.

I nominate myself.

I vote for sainthoods and fancy hats for authors!

It's not yet proven, but the all-mighty Februs may be able to actually give us eternal life for our stories.

Anyone who wants to be the deity should be spanked.

Can I be the deity?

We all worship at the altar of the goddess Aphrodite Kallipygos (Greek) later known as Venus Callipyge (Roman).
The statue shows her looking over her shoulder at her bum, obviously the first instance of "Does my bum look big?"
If a man didn't answer "No it looks absolutely beautiful" he was turned to stone.
Oops wrong goddess!

Would I get to have wine and biscuits while kneeling in the corner?

When I was younger, I was sure I was destined to become a nun. When I told my mother of my "dream", I was sure she would be pleased- she sent me to a Catholic school. Instead of pleasure, I saw a look of horror when I asked If I could attend the open house of a convent just outside the city to learn more about the Order. Since I had no transportation, I never met the women in that order.
Good thing!

As the lines in a song go. "Get me to the Church on time". I would have all the naughty women confess to me their so called sins. And I would take down their panties, knickers, or bloomers, and spank their bare bottoms with pleasure.

That would've been a Gorgon (the best-known of the three sisters being Medusa) rather than a goddess, wouldn't it have? Of course, whether some mortal considered a Gorgon to be "absolutely beautiful" or not--personally, I'm doubtful that I'd find any female with snakes for hair to be all that attractive--he/she was turned to stone upon looking directly at her.

The goddess Artemis (Diana) supposedly once turned a wood nymph (Daphne) into a tree, but at the woman's own request, for her to escape the romantic attentions of the god Apollo.

Perhaps anyone criticizing the 'callipygean' bumcheeks of Aphrodite (Venus) should simply be put across her lap for an Olympian-intensity paddling--she's been known to administer a sound spanking to her son Eros (Cupid) on numerous occasions, after all...

--C.K.