Literary critique/feedback wanted

Hi all,

Some of you may remember that I am writing a story about a young woman who travels to a foreign country in a sort of exchange student scenario. Of course she soon finds out that corporal punishment is practiced there and has a lot of mixed feelings about it. I'm sure you can guess what happens later!

However, this is my first attempt at this kind of writing, and the story has become very meandering and long-winded. (Indeed, the first actual spanking only happens about 15-20 pages into the story.)

So it is not something I can try to publish in its current form, but I would still be very interested in hearing some feedback about the writing.

So I was wondering if I could persuade anyone to take a look at (some of) it?

I don't know if I am allowed to post my email address here, but you are very welcome to send me a pop-up, or you could reply here, and I will send you one!

Thanks and hope to hear from you!
astro

I'd be happy to take a look. When something is meandering, it almost always comes down to two things: lack of tension(drama/conflict) and a lack of awareness of the character's primary wants and needs in that moment. Re-read your story with that lens and keep asking those questions to justify the scene.

I see your story being one of two things:
1) A meandering spanking story, or
2) a story with spanking it in.

If the latter, it can take time to get to the spanking. Which is why so many of serials start off with the white circle of "no spanking in this one" icon.

There are folk here who will proof read your work. The thing to do is send a pop up message to those who kindly offer, like Patron in this case. Then you can exchange addresses within the pop up.

astrosmurf, I must admit that I have a "thing" for exchange student stories and am looking forward to reading your story.

I know what you mean about the story meandering. That happens to all of us.

In doing research for your story, I recommend you read Shono's Exchange Student Surprise. Here is an example of a very long, time sequence "exchange" story. One thing in particular you should note is the severe drop off in readership on these long "time sequential" stories.

Another approach you might consider is to have a bunch of "standalone" stories with an introductory story that introduces the characters and scenario. This is harder to pull off, but in our modern world of "instant gratification" seems to be more in align with what folks want.

My final comment has to due with story content. In exchange student stories my personal interests are in the shock students experience due to the difference in school discipline. If the story only concerns discipline at home, then to me anyhow, astrosmurf, it is just another "domestic discipline" story.

astrosmurf, hope I've given you some things to think about,
Tired

Thanks for your replies!

I'll send you a DM, Patron and Tiredny!

Any more volunteers are still welcome!

Btw., opb, sorry about my lateness in getting back to you. I have not forgotten you!

I write this reluctantly.

While I can be as generically polite as anyone else when just commenting on a story, if what you're after here is a true critique, you can send it to me as well, BUT......ONLY if you want what could end up being a brutal dissection by someone who can be very critical of both content and style. I am not fussy about construction though, and even enjoy free-styling narrative and dialog that chafes at the boundaries of strict grammar. I will also not care much about the frequency or detail of the spanking element proper. However, I will look for a fresh expression of the issues and mindsets involved in this genre and be very honest with you if I don't see it.

Given that warning, I hope you take it seriously before sending me anything. The ONLY reason I'm even offering is because you seem very sincere in wanting to produce something special. I also will not mind in the least if you choose not to include me in your list of volunteers.

Thanks, KDPierre!

I actually already sent you a DM yesterday. Did you get it? (The story is quite long, so if I were to send (parts of) it to you, I'd need your email.)

astrosmurf
It's not among my messages here, unless I'm not looking properly. I'm willing to send you my email via pop-up but not sure how to do that when the addressee has not commented on a story. Of course if you send me a pop-up I can reply to it with my email.

On a slightly different note, has anyone by any chance encountered a story about an Au Pair being spanked? Au Pair is kind of a young exchange visitor who lives with the family, helps to take care of the kids takes at least one college class and travels the country. Those are common in the prosperous Western nations, typically US, UK, Germany, etc...

That would be my favorite fantasy for various reasons...