Encouraging domestic abuse.

She is... I can stand and lean on her head with my arm

My wife´s first husband, Omar, was to the best of my knowledge not a spanko. But he was an alcoholic, and he beat my lovely Thi every time that he was drunk, which was almost every day (what a "skitstoevel", that is a Swedish word). Thi finally worked up the courage to take the step of divorcing Omar, after about one whole year of abuse, after an incident where Omar threatened her with a kitchen knife (my wife had up until then been reluctant to leave and divorce Omar, because she was afraid that then she might be sent back to an uncertain future in her home country, Vietnam).

Well, I am, probably unlike Omar, a "deep" spanko. I fantasize about erotic spanking every day. In fact I cannot even reach orgasm by means of conventional sex. Only when I masturbate to fantasies invoving spanking/cp can I "get off" (of course, my inability to orgasm by having conventional sex with my wife is a problem, but my wife accepts it and blames it on the fact that I am getting old, I am 56 years old now). But I have *never*, ever laid a finger on my wife. In addition to being a spanko, I am also a firm supporter of the principle of individual rights. So I do not for a moment imagine that I have any right to spank my wife, without her consent, merely because I am married to her. So my wife is safe, despite the fact that I am a spanko and she is a vanilla.

Well, my point is, I consume copious amounts of spanking erotica, in the form of books and spanking sites on the net. And I *never* abuse my wife. I agree with the other posters on this thread that reading spanking stories here on the Library probably plays no role whatsoever in encouraging domestic abuse.

I have a couple of further points to make but first I want our beloved Mr. blimp to know that I make these points with humility and respect. And really. You should just read PinkAngel's posts as she says it better AND shorter.




The best info I have is the current ratio is about 2 to 1. A little more than a third of REPORTED abuse can be attributed to females. The numbers for men grows but slowly. The number for women much faster. I suspect that is due to changes in willingness to report at all and bigger changes in the willingness of men to report at all.


Compared to what? At some point we need to accept that assault is just that regardless of gender.


Alcohol; YES. Testosterone; maybe. Again gender really isn't the issue.


I think this is more true than we would like to admit. It certainly was in my own personal experience.


We are getting much closer here I think.


I think that the millenniums old prohibition against 'hitting' a women plays a big role here.

Just remember that we are talking VIOLENCE here; not sex. I return to my original thought. Porn and erotica are not the cause of violence. Sexual or otherwise. Or to put it another way; psychoses is the root cause not gender or otherwise hardwired behavior.

Interesting question and quite difficult debate.

I can't see a guy after reading a spanking book, closing it calmly, take out his belt and say to him and world in general: "now it's time to beat my wife to a pulp".

But, from other side, words are powerful. Just look at what books like Bible, Quran, Main Kampf, Das Capital and Harry Potter were able to accomplish.

Can authors influence people? Of course, notably those ready to be influenced. One of the reasons, beside the legal one, that erotic sites are off limits to minors.

Are women guilty of battering men? Of course. Mainly the ears. As Professor Higgins aptly said:

...she'll have a booming boisterous family,
who will descend on you en mass,
she'll have a large Wagnerian mother,
with a voice that shatters glass, ...

But don't worry nibra. Men who are perfectly capable of showing cruelty to women, other men and children belong to all stances of life, from those who never read a book, to those that read only one, and those who read thousand. And I'll bet you Flopsy's donkey dinner that those that practice violence in real life never read a spanking book.

Twisted8, a psychosis *can*, I am sure, in many cases be the cause of domestic abuse. But I am a recovered psychotic, I was in committed to mental hospitals for a total of about 1 1/2 years when I was a schizophrenic teenager. But I have *never* laid a finger on my wife! Quite a few men probably would have by now, if they had been married to her, since she is a bit of a shrew and she is brutally honest with me when she is dissatisfied with things that I have done. But I am the kind of man who appreciates honesty. I am glad that Thi does not hide her feelings, in order to spare my feelings.

Thi´s former husband, Omar, did beat her, often. But that was due to alchohol, not a psychosis (as far as I know at least, Omar was not suffering from a psychosis, but I have never met him).

Goodness, abusive beating and loving spanking have precious little in common! Most of us in spanking relationships are in them completely by choice, and our loving disciplinarians are committed to helping us become the people we wish to be. Indeed, those of us who "switch" with our partners have the added benefit of knowing how it feels to be on both sides of the power exchange. It's an important safety valve for the latent aggression and irritation that inevitably arise in the very best of relationships. Of course, if anyone is being pressured to do anything against her/his will--even subtly-- then all of this is right out!

Back to my point that spanking is rarely, if at all, the physical violence of choice in an abusive relationship. It is worth considering that spanking, as we know and love it, can be seen as a reform measure in the so-called real world. When an adult is angry enough to hit a child (and I would venture to say that describes almost all parents, even those who don't give in to the urge), the ritualistic nature of spanking puts a temporal cushion between that blind anger and the hitting. Go to your room, fetch the instrument, if the spanking involves one, take down your pants, all take time in which the adult is getting at least a little calmer. I once knew a single mother who said that when she was really angry with her young daughter, she did not wait to take down her pants. Then there is the nature of the spanking itself, while it is possible to do physical injury to a child by hitting his/her buttocks, it is a great deal less likely than if one hits the stomach, back, or face. The difference is great enough that some parents who spank their children will report that they do not hit them.

Sexual fantasies are a funny thing. In real life, I wouldn't enjoy doing anything with a partner who wasn't willing. I don't just mean that I wouldn't allow myself to enjoy it; it would literally do nothing for me in any way, shape, or form. And yet, in fiction, there are non-consensual scenarios that turn me on. I don't think there's any correlation between the spanking fetish and abusive tendencies, even if we like to fantasize about things that would be abuse if they happened in real life.

For a person who can't distinguish between fantasy and reality, ANYTHING can inspire violent or otherwise dangerous behavior. No reason to single out spanking stories.