Have You Seen This Man?

Have You Seen This Man?

This disreputable person was caught on the library CCTV late one evening last week, as he broke into the library through the window of the ladies toilet. Unfortunately for him, Sammi the validator was sitting on the toilet at the time and had the presence of mind to swiftly hit him on the head with her handbag, squishing the burglar's nose most horribly. Can you see how it's all bent and squashed? Serves him right!

Are you all agog to know what happened next? Well, Sammi ran off to call the police, but as she raced through the library, she tripped over Dave the validator's legs. He'd gone to sit under a desk to eat his extra large jam donut in peace, away from prying eyes. Galvanised into action, Dave administered CPR, even though it wasn't required. Sammi didn't like it one bit and hit poor Dave with her handbag too, knocking him out cold. Then, lured by the donut, she snatched it from Dave's jammy fingers and began to eat it, quite forgetting about raising the alarm.

Meanwhile, Elorac and Janine were on a break from validating and decided to pop down to the wine and whisky cellar in the basement of the building, just to have a little look at all the goodies earmarked for the LSF Authors Hospitality Lounge. They were horrified to discover six bottles of single malt and six bottles of Chateaux LSF 2001 were missing from the shelves, and had to resort to comfort eating a big sack of cheese and onion crisps.

They were unaware they had narrowly missed the burglar. He escaped with his bag of swag, exiting the building through the window again in the ladies toilet.

We have been robbed! Here is the villain. Does anyone recognise the scoundrel? A reward of an extra-large packet of pork scratchings will be given to the person who can identify the culprit.

Justice will be done!

I took a look in the mirror and can confirm that that isn't me.

<<<Having a box of doughnuts delivered to Dave>>>

What, AGAIN? How many times must this happen?

Honestly, I know nothing about it. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to enjoy this glass of single malt tonight before I have surgery for a deviated septum tomorrow. If the whiskey had been supplied to the Authors' Hospitality Lounge as it should have been, maybe this unfortunate event wouldn't have happened.

It's no joke losing twelve bottles of booze - that's almost a full day's supply.

Okay, I'll admit it does look a bit like me, but I was on the LSF at the time. Check my logons. And the reason my nose looks squished is I walked into a door. On a totally unrelated matter, does anyone know how long one should store Chateaux LSF 2001 before drinking it?

Drink it as soon as possible; mine was turning vinegar. But the single malt was excellent - peaty and with a lingering taste of wet dog.

We had to pay extra for the wet dog flavour.
Come to think of it, our neighbours at the rubber corset and gimp suit shop have lost Bonzo, their guard dog. Hmmm....

Was it you? Is this a confession?