Challenge to writers

Howdy to all the great writers on this site. Can anyone come up with a stand alone story or series using the following...

The husband as a kilt wearing over muscled red haired thick accent of questionable parentage bent over being spanked with his kilt raised and tears running down his red freckled face and the look of pure glee on his blond blue eyed cute as a button female spanker from Iceland with a walnut paddle made in the far north of an unknown tribe trapped in a time warp caused by a force of gravitational anomaly from the planet Horn of Plentiful Strokes much to the delight of his mother-in-law Queen of Strange Delights.

This might be a fun challenge. RK and wife.

I'm not sure you have given us enough detail there to envision the scene, RK

I have a story in my archives along very similar lines (one of my hairy scotsman series), but because of a shortage of walnut in the far north the tribe had used pine to make the paddle. So unfortunately my story does not quite fit the bill, but good luck with your quest.

That sounds like it could have been a Monty Python skit!

ChardT

It might have been possible to work it into the script of Monty Python and the Holy Grail?

Better yet, just have the protagonist use the paddle to save the world from overgrown cream puffs and win Wimbledon, only to end up spanked by his wife for ordering too much tartan.

Thanks for the comments. RK

Please Lord, have mercy on this cite.