Favorite Implements

That's the Finns. We are too civilized, unfortunately.

Even at my advanced age as a sexagenarian, I exercise rather regularly so my nether cheeks are fairly firm, while my darling wife has small, soft hands--which means that if she spanks my naked buttocks with her smacking palm, that old spanking expression, "This hurts me more than you," tends to be literally true for her.

I tend to prefer being whacked on the bare 'down in back' with hard solid wood, including implements such as a long-handled wooden spoon, a light "Stinger" paddle, a sturdy oaken paddle, a stout Sephora maple hairbush, a Vermont Country Store bath brush, now even a souvenir paddle imprinted with "For the Cute Little Deer with the Bear Behind."

Since my loving spouse is a 'vanilla,' albeit one who indulges my spanko-bottom tendency, she wouldn't put in the effort needed to become proficient with flexible spanking implements, however she is pretty effective with a short riding crop which has a split rubber tip--it's relatively easy to control, even without much practice. She also enjoys using Cane-iac's "the Wallop," a rubber-headed implement which combines a rigid striking surface with two short, pliable bands connected to its handle--its name isn't at all inaccurate.

One great advantage of well-applied hardwood, it strikes me (pun intended), is that it leaves my posterior sore and tingling for several days after the sound swats have been delivered to it, which I find quite gratifying...

--C.K.

Somewhere on the internet, years ago, I came across an advert for an implement called a 'brat-spanker'. It consisted of a pair of upright oval paddle-blades, connected by a short (4-6"?) flexible piece of thick leather or rubber between the middle of their nearest long edges, with a longish, springy handle connected to the opposite long edge of one of the paddle-blades. It looked something like this:

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The idea was that, swung in horizontally, the paddle attached to the handle would strike the target's nearer buttock, then, a fraction of a second later, the other paddle would strike the farther one, giving the effect of receiving a paddling from two people at once. I've never found a picture or video of it in use, or been able to find the advert again. Has anyone else come across it?

I favor good handspankings myself.
RE "Since my loving spouse is a 'vanilla," CrimsonKidCK, she may not be quite as 'vanilla' as you think, after I read your comment.