Euphemism's for corporal punishment

I'm going to "tan your hide" is one I remember hearing a lot growing up -- or for more serious threats "you won't sit for a week." Then the infinitely frustrating "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!" And I agree with Guy's "you're gonna get it"

I've heard mothers say about their misbehaving children, "I'm going to fix his (or her) little red wagon," although sometimes they'll use "paint" instead of "fix"--however, the meaning remains pretty much the same.

Where I now reside in the Lone Star State, and across the American South in general, a mother saying to her child, "I'm going to wear you out," that generally means that a good switching or strapping is imminent.

Of course, in rural areas the expression "taking a trip to the woodshed" or "being marched out to the woodshed" still was understood clearly by children when I was growing up--even if there wasn't an actual woodshed available...

--C.K.

I've heard a number of these, and quite a few are new to me. My dad used to say, "it's time to do some leather work", and I knew he meant on my butt. I had a teacher tell a group of us she was about to paddle, "sitting is about to become a pleasant, distant memory." I remember reading in a novel and man telling a boy, "I'll whip your setter so raw you'll stand for a month of Sundays."

Itching for a switching, cruising for a bruising, give you something to cry about, pull your pants down (just that, not pull them down for spanking, just "if this keeps up I'm going to pull your pants down"), getting to the seat of the problem, applied child psychology, have a little private talk, what id I say, just wait until I get you home, you're really in for it when we get home, taken to the woodshed (where there isn't a woodshed anywhere around the house)...

Yes, there were lots of them. There was also openly saying "if you keep that up I'm going to spank your bottom hot and red".

But that was another time, and the past is a different country full of odd customs and practices.

"You need touching up." or "When we get home, I'm going to touch you up." or "I'll tickle your tail end with..."

There was one mother I knew who would ask her misbehaving children in an unthreatening way,"Jason, Annie, Whomsoever would you like to go and see Mr...?" If correct behaviour was not instantaneous she would spank them soundly when convenient.

My mother would look at my sister and me and comment, "Someone's itching for a panty-warming."

My mother use to say "we are going to discuss this when we get home." and if I protested she would add, "we can discuss it here, in front of everyone if you like." Funny how her discussions had very little talking in them.

I had a friend whose mother use to day, "Someone is acting like there is going to be a full moon tonight."

Bill Cosby claimed his mother used to threaten to 'knock the black out of him'. I also remember a line from Diana Ross' biopic of Billi Holiday where Billie's mother said that she was going to beat her 'black behind blue'.

One I forgot - getting your seat dusted.

As in "That kid got her seat dusted" "He got the seat of his jeans dusted" "Someone's going to get her seat dusted".

Inspired by the days before vacuum cleaners when rugs were hung up on clothes lines and the dust beat out of them. The wiki page on carpet beaters ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carpet_beater ) includes the fact that carpet beaters were often used on errant backsides, but most of the ones I heard about just involved a hand "dusting" the seat of someone's jeans - even if jeans weren't left up.

Oh yeah, I just remembered one: where I live right now, parents inform their kids that if they don't do what they are told, "I will be very unhappy with you" or "I will not be very pleased with you." Or even worse, after it's already too late, "I am very unhappy/displeased." It's such a typically Canadian understatement. It's the last threat before going nuclear.
1. Stop that.
2. I told you to stop that.
3. Stop it right now or you're in big trouble.
4. I'm furious, stop it right this very second.
5. OK, that's it, you're dead.
6. I am very displeased with you.