It's dangerous to start a discussion about spanking children. Emotions can run high and people have very widely differing opinions that can strike at the heart of who we are and the choices we made on how to raise our children. So with respect for the differing experiences other posters have, and with respect for their willingness to express it and share it, I present a different experience.
I was spanked a lot as a child and as an adult and can only say the two are completely different things. Getting spanked as a child taught me to distrust authority, to lie, to hide things and to believe that there was something fundamentally wrong with me. It was nothing but traumatic and never taught me to behave well. I was spanked until I was 19 when I finally threatened to hit back if I were hit again. I don't think I could have done so, but they stopped after that.
As parents, my husband and I chose not to spank. We believed strongly in discipline, but not in spanking. We raised a son who is respectful, polite and kind. He never got in trouble, is honest, doesn't drink or smoke and the few times he's tried weed, he talked to me about it. (He is 19.) We taught him respect by treating him with respect--modeling the behavior we wanted him to show.
I volunteer with teenagers. Never once have I ever wanted to strike or spank any of them. Even typing that makes my stomach turn.
There is a wealth of empirical evidence that says spanking children causes a multitude of problems and only anecdotal evidence that it can be positive and effective.
That said, I respect the choices other parents make and know they do it out of wanting what is best for their child.
As for the severity of adult spankings, that really does depend on the couple involved. I happen to have a high pain tolerance, so the spankings I like may sometimes sound more severe than how I experience them. I try to keep that in mind when I'm writing and most of the time I write things that are less severe than what I like outside my stories.
I think an interesting question is what sort of implements are considered more severe than others. In my experience, I can take a long strapping with very little noise or squirming, but a hairbrush? My husband always said I liked the idea of a hairbrush spanking more than the reality 'cause I could never hold still for it and was immediately yelping and trying to escape. So, for me, a hairbrush is more severe than a belt, but when I read others? It doesn't seem like others have that experience. And a switch? My husband gave me a single stroke with a switch over my jeans and it stung for days afterward--perhaps it was the type of switch (a long, thin one that had been soaked in water) and the way he used it, but it surprises me when I read about switchings, 'cause it makes me think they must be different from what I experienced. Likewise a ping pong paddle or a leather six-inch paddle is a relatively mild instrument that are perfect for really long spankings.
What is your experience with implements and severity? |