Am I The Only One Who Feels This Way??

To Wooz,
Yes, we did experiment with a strap after she began spanking me periodically. I'm not sure how often this happens with others, but I do think you're onto something as it relates to the frequency it which it may occur.

To Hedge:
No, it indeed is not worth the risk of going behind her back so I can indulge with others. That would undoubtably be the end of our marriage & I don't want that. You're also correct in asserting that I have indeed "tasted the fruit" as it were and I know at il always be lifelong spanko. Part of me wishes that I could turn "it" off & on @ will, but we'll know how this works.

To KD:
I'd was indeed upfront with her about my beings spanko & she seemed like she was up for it. Only years later when it all faded away did I learn that most of the times that's did spank her or we'd role play, she didn't't enjoy it. Just went along with it. She told me later that it "disgusted" her and she couldn't't understand why people would be into it. That was ove 5 yrs ago, the very last time I'd taken her over my knee or had been over here. I was beyond upset about this because I was honest upfront about it. Truth be told, I'd ever wanna go behind her back and spank another, but I'd rather her come with me to private spanking parties and see things for herself. I told her about a deep seeded fantasy I've had for years about myself being a hidden voyeur & watching her go over someone else's lap.

To Stu:
You are exactly correct. My need to spank does not nor will it ever trump the love & adoration that I have for her and I mean NEVER!! Does the situation suck? Absolutely, but what you do at this point?

stu377
I'm glad you are happy. That's all that counts. In my case I wouldn't be and it would be a deal-breaker, no different than my examples might be for a vanilla person.

Being spankos is wired into us in my opinion. I'd had the interest from a young age but had little real outlet beyond reading and a few pictures. Then the internet came along and I reconnected with a longtime friend. I converted her and it turned out she began to really enjoy it, with me being the one over her knee. It wasn't too long after this we were married.

I'm going to say from a woman's point of view what has probably happened...
You said that she was Latino.
She most likely feels then that the man is the head of the household.
Even if she says/acts like that's not the case, it is probably ingrained somewhere down in her subconscious.
This being the case, she went along with it as long as you were the one doing the spanking.
Once you wanted her to do it, that changed the dynamics of the relationship...in a way she doesn't want to go, and was not aware of you wanting to go before she married you.
I'm not saying that is right or not...just saying what I 'think' MAY have happened.
Now, she probably doesn't even want you to spank her, because then that will open up her having to in turn spank you. I would guess she didn't hate you spanking her, but didn't really care for being the spanker.

To Roni:
There's probably something to what you're saying. I'd be fine with not getting spanked, but I do want to SPANK.

Since the possibility of the male (husband) occasionally taking the bottom role apparently wasn't discussed before the marriage, this explanation does seem to make sense.

The whole "machismo" image doesn't strike me as having any value or virtue in modern society, but it's still obviously a societal norm among many Hispanics...

--C.K.

Tell her you want to talk & that you just wanted to try it to see what its like from the other point of view.
& that you do not like the dynamics of it...
But still like the dynamics of spanking her, if it's something she'd be willing to investigate once again.
I'm sorry you cant be true to yourself, but since you only discovered this after marriage,
and its not something she is comfortable with, at least maybe
you'll get to spank her again. Getting half of what you want is better than nothing...

??? might be worth a try at least...good luck.

OR, if you two are open with each other, just be honest and say hey, I noticed you didn't care for spanking me...
Thank you for at least trying it out.
You don't ever have to do that again, but to be honest I do want to spank you.

*& I don't necessarily think it's a racial thing...just some girls are like this and have an image in their heads of what their ideal man would be like. I am white & I feel like this. But to each his/her own. I prefer my man to be VERY dynamic.

I think it's more about what spanking is to each person...some desire the dynamics it adds to the relationship, some just like the physical feelings. If it's just physical feelings, then I suppose anything goes. But if it's the dynamics, then it's going to be very subjective.

Actually, I'd venture that even in more liberated cultures like the U.S.A., U.K./Commonwealth and western Europe, overall there's still some degree of underlying belief in masculine dominance--plenty of 'modernized' women, both spankophile and vanilla, still share your desire for a "VERY dynamic" (which I'm guessing means dominant) man.

However, it strikes me as being considerably stronger and more openly admitted/accepted within the Hispanic subculture here in the U.S.A., especially in the Southwest and Texas...

--C.K.

hmmmm, yes, i think most girls would like men to be a bit more that way...
but relationships now are not built on strong foundations, respect, or trust.
All necessary for that kind of relationship.

I really don't prefer the word dominant because it could be just a selfish overbearing kind of guy...
I prefer dynamic because it more means to my mind, the kind of guy who lives his life so purposefully, outside of just himself, & lives to make other's (societal, familial) lives better...
The kind of guy you respect, because of who he is & how he lives his life, holding himself & those around him to a higher standard.
The kind of guy you'd follow and want to live up to his standards.
But that when you didn't...had his vaaaays of making you wish you had, you know...sorta. *wink

To Roni's point:
I agree with you that it's not so much about the man being "dominant" in the relationship, but he still needs to be the man, which I wholeheartedly believe in. I don't wanna dominate her in the aspect of ruling her or making her feel like a second class citizen. Role playing this is one thing & that is fun & exciting within a secure & open relationship between consenting adults. I'm all for that, but outside of the bedroom, her place is NOT in front of me nor behind me, but right at my side. She's my Queen & I her King. That's the way it should be and I love her very much. I've contemplated more than a few imtimes about just giving this up altogether. Can't turn off being a spanko, but you can stop being active in the scene and leave it alone. It's just become too much of a hassle at most times & I'm just tired of the rejection