Am I The Only One Who Feels This Way??

I need some advice & who better to get it from than other like minded people. First off, I, like many of you here, have had a lifelong infatuation with spanking. I truly believe that I was born this way & it will forever be a part of me. I've always loved the look & shape of women's bottoms & would wonder to myself if they had indeed been smacked recently. Growing up, I talked a few girl cousins over my knee to indulge my "kink" as it were. I found that it grew & grew over the years & I wanted to take willing lasses over my knee every chance I got. After leaving home & entering the military, I got to travel the world & discover the true joys of spanking at munches, conventions & even one-on-one sessions. I was so shocked that so many others had the same proclivity as I did for all thing spanking. I spanked to my heart's content during those years & then some. I then met & married the most beautiful woman in the world who has a plump, shapely tush befitting her Latina heritage. The problem is that at first shed indulge me some, but for a long time now things haven't ever been white the same. She doesn't 't share my passion for those intimate times that I'd have her over my lap that I find myself longing for more & more. We all know here that spanking isn't always a sexual act, but it is sensual. There's a closeness about it an intimacy & trust that's real & palatable. I miss that with her & my heart as well as my palm itches for those times once again. It's was during such a session about seven years ago that we decided to experiment, so she took me over her knee. I'd never had even a remote desire to be topped before, but I was over her lap, underwear pulled down & my bottom bared that a trigger went off in me & I loved it!! Each stinging swat of her palm on my quivering bottom sent me over the edge again & again. Words can't describe that feeling. I craved it at times more than doing the soanking myself, but alas, she grew weary of it and rebuffed me ever since. There are times when I just want her to take out her frustrations, her stress from work on my bottom to teach me the lesson I sorely need to be taught. Sigh... I guess that makes me a switch & I'm ok with that.

I've been a switch for a long time and I truly feel I have the best of both worlds. I still tend toward being a dominant because I am a control type, but more and more, I have this longing to be taken in hand and taken charge of by a strict younger woman. The spankings focus less on imposing pain and more on embarrassment and humiliation. So many of the "ancillary factors" in the stories on this site come into play: the whole impact of taking down panties or have mine taken down for the spanking, for example. Although I am bi (it does go with being a switch, I suppose, I find I like to engage in spanking either way with women rather than men. For me, this is purely sensual, and of course sexual, but I have no animus against men that I would want to act out in a spanking scene. It is purely for enjoyment.

I think these feelings are quite common, especially for those of us who have had the "interest" since early childhood. We tend to be more interested in spanking as a phenomenon than in any particular part of it. Many of us still have preferences, of course, but I have a feeling that many of these preferences developed later and are due to other influences such as gender roles, and that they may develop, disappear, or change with experience.

I have also experienced vanilla partners withdrawing their initial interest. There may be many reasons for this ( including the obvious one that spanking hurts), but my guess is that for many it has to do with dignity - their own dignity if they're getting spanked and their partners dignity if they're doing the spanking. Looked at with a cold eye from the outside, spanking seems rather ridiculous - as do many other sexual activities.

Leslie & Alef, you both make very valid points and they pretty much align with how I feel about spanking. To Leslie's point about the "bi" aspect of being a switch, I will say that when my wife did take me in hand those few times, I did have the overwhelming sense to be taken from behind by her as a purely lustful act. A way for her to solidify her role that she had taken charge of me in such a way. Before then I'd never so much as entertained such a thought, but now I do find myself wanting that more & more. I'd always role played with women in the past before I got married and I was always the top, no question. I'm having mixed felongs about going over another man's knee, but the idea doesn't totally repulse me. I think under the right circumstances I would like to experience that, but being taken in hand by a stern women who'd tan my bottom good & proper delights me to know end.

To Alef's point, I absolutely agree 100% as it regards to why vanillas object to spanking. I wouldn't want to do anything that I wasn't comfortable with, so to that end I can understand where my wife is coming from & respect it. It's just so difficult to explain to someone who isn't like us what spanking truly means to US.

I happen to think that there is no grey area here. You're either into the scene (as Ed Lee used to call it), or you're not. No middle ground. My wife of many years was also vanilla when it came to the spanking scene but for very good reasons which I don't really need to get into here. I found my needs outside the marriage. It's difficult having a partner that has no desire for our interests and as a result, they are not going to have an understanding of it either.

Hello, Bunwarmer, you say:

"I will say that when my wife did take me in hand those few times, I did have the overwhelming sense to be taken from behind by her as a purely lustful act. A way for her to solidify her role that she had taken charge of me in such a way."

I'm confused by this statement. To be taken from behind has the ring of anal intercourse to me and I'm wondering if that was what you meant. I've seen stories here that do include that activity so it seems that there are those engaging in the act and I'm wondering if there are many doing that after spanking. I do know that there are websites dedicated only to the strap-on and wonder how common it might really be.

Living in a non spanking relationship is not so good for the average spanko. The urge to spank or be spanked can be strong, and as the years pass I think for most people that urge grows. As Marriage/relationship grows stale (and it does for so many people) then dissatisfaction develops, and if you are not getting what you want or feel you need then you can become unhappy. Of course this can simply be where one partner goes off sex, or some other reason, but we are concentrating on spanking. For Bunwarmer it is especially tricky as he has tasted the fruit from the spanking tree but suddenly just as hope was blossoming the tree was cut down.......
If your wife is not interested then that is the end of the matter, no amount of discussion or pleading is going to turn her into a fellow spanky....even if she relented it would not be with enthusiasm and would that really satisfy you?
You either accept the situation or do something about it......that is difficult to do. Doing something means joining the scene, and frankly spanking means bared bottoms etc and that is sexual....and you may well find the other half will not understand if she ever finds out. Also dio you really want to be getting your thrills behind her back. is it worth the risk?
So to sum up...........you have some hard decisions to make.....you may find that talking about it in chatrooms, reading stories, seeing some video and exchanging emails/messages may be enough to keep you happy....personally I doubt it....but that is the truth for many many people.
But be very careful and do a careful assessment of what you are willing to risk/give up before you act upon your needs and desires.

I have a very militant view on this topic. I see no difference between alternate expressions of sexuality (like spanking) and sexuality itself. While many States in the USA have "no-fault" divorce, the inability to have sex (impotence) or the intentional withholding of sex is still legally "grounds for divorce". Furthermore, an accident that renders a spouse without the ability to enjoy sex with their partner can be grounds for lawsuit and paid damages. So, if "vanilla" people felt SO strongly about the importance of sexual satisfaction in marriage so as to legally make the elimination of it grounds for divorce or lawsuit, I see no reason why a kinky person (AS LONG AS THEY WERE UP FRONT AND HONEST ABOUT THEIR INTERESTS FROM THE BEGINNING) should not feel the same.

To me a relationship where one partner suddenly ceases to engage in an activity that is important to the other, signals the possible existence of some other issue. If it's just a matter of "I don't want to do it anymore".....that's fine. But no one has to accept it as their permanent fate.

Why do spankos say, "I wish my spouse would , X,Y,Z, but they won't and I don't want to risk a divorce over it" not think that maybe their partner should ask themselves "if all he/she wants is X,Y,Z, do I want to risk a divorce over NOT doing it?" After all how would they feel if you said, "it's OK if you don't want to do any spanking anymore, but you know....without it....I just don't feel like kissing you or having sex with you anymore."?

Bunwarmer--your experience is fairly similar to mine. I became interested as a kid, and it first my fantasies were watching. I hated being spanked and couldn't imagine giving. As I became a teen, thoughts turned to giving them. Then as an adult, as I gained more power professionally, I began having some getting fantasies. I have also been married to a vanilla for more than 30 years (happily for your information KD). She tried, but it just wasn't in her. It became an issue of dignity as well as something that made her feel inadequate. She believed she couldn't please me. For a period I did experiment with spanking only outside my marriage. I know and understand the experience, as much as i can. I am willing to satisfy myself with what is in my head. Marriage is so much more complicated than this one need. Sure,I wish my wife shared my interest, but I also wish I had bought microsoft in the 1980's. Life is what you make it. It's never going to go exactly to plan.