Follow-Up Advice

Around a month or so ago I wrote a post about trying to find a website to use to have some spanking dates. None of them seemed to work out in that way, so I've joined a small bdsm club about 15 miles away from where I live. There's pretty much always some spanking going on there, but as of yet I've only been a viewer and can't seem to break the ice with anyone. There's a particular young lady there who has captured my fancy and that's where the problems begin.
I'm 32 and due to some health issues have been unable to make enough money to live on my own, so I'm still with my parents which is pathetic in and of itself. I'm also quite socially awkward and not at all pleasant to look at. Despite these flaws, I truly respect every woman I'm with and in the rare times where an especially understanding woman is able to look past all that, things often work out rather well.

I guess what I'm asking for some help with is on some strategy on how to try to talk to her (or any woman there), both for scening at the club (it's frequent that someone will ask a woman there if he can spank her and the answer is usually yes, but these are confident guys they already know who aren't quite as much of an eyesore as I am) and hopefully for spending some time with her outside of it. I'm the lone new person there so everyone already knows everyone else and mainly stand around in the by the coat track trying desperately to think of something to do/say to help my situation there.

Any advice at all would be greatly appreciated.

Keeping it simple, first off what is wrong with a simple hello to those you meet, that is a normal non threatening action, will most times garner at minimum a hello in response and often start a interaction brief or otherwise.

If i may be so bold, put the BDSM club/young lady aside for a moment and try just saying hello, hi etc to those you meet in day to day contact be that passing in street, in shop queues, etc, non threatening situations, just see what response you get from just initiating a hello, some will just respond with just hello, others will elaborate, even if it is to comment on the weather, how busy shop is etc, however you will have initiated conversation, broken the ice and fact is most people are friendly, not rude and non judgemental, and if you ever get a non response or a negative one then that most definitely is their deficit not yours, sadly there are some such folk.

You are asking for strategies on how to talk to this particular lady at the BDSM club, i say get your confidence in day to day interactions first, social awkwardness surprisingly is quickly overcome once a level of confidence is gained, everyone attending the BDSM club has a shared interest so that is common ground from outset.

I can assure you that everyone at times has confidence issues, fears, anxieties etc some hide it better than others by using coping strategies, be that using bravado, always making initial contact so they control the interaction or generally just acting confidently, i was taught when scared in a street, to walk tall, walk confidently, and you no longer present as a victim despite feeling scared inside.

32, health issues and still live with parents because of financial situation, lets break that down, 32yrs old, nothing wrong with that so that's not a negative, health issues, those are regrettable, but most certainly not a barrier/negative to a interaction, you still live with parents due to financial reasons, again not a negative, many would say you must be a decent guy if parents still feel able to let you to live there and that you can live with them, likewise people could well see your living there as showing you have good commonsense, in that you are good manager of limited finances. All those things you see as negatives above, are only going to be known to a stranger/new person you meet if you actually tell them.

With regard to your comment about "not at all pleasant to look at" that Sir is your opinion, once you develop confidence which you will, any imperfections you imagine you have will at worst, be put to the back of your mind rather than it being in the forefront, and at at best forgotten completely.

Oh for a world of only beautiful people, but Sir that is not the way it is, look at our war heroes of recent conflicts who lost limbs, lost sight, had disfiguring injuries etc. One moment they were the fittest, strongest, healthiest and most independent guys you could meet, next moment and for rest of life they are not, do you see most of those after the initial period, developing self loathing etc, most certainly not, they get on with things using positive mental attitude.

So go for it, a cheery hello, a smile and you will find you get a positive response most of the time, once that ice has been broken, conversation develops, life opens up and maybe, just maybe you could be giving a hot derriere to the lady of your choice.

Please excuse length of response, always was told i was too talkative

Thanks for the advice, I'll definitely try to establish and maintain that mindset and stay positive.

Rose Cheeks' advice sounds good. When dealing with cliques, there is one thing to remember; to gain admittance you generally only need to make one "insider" friend!

I've never been in a BDSM club (so take my advice for what it's worth) but it seems to me that "friend" could be of either gender. Even a male "insider" could serve as an intro to others and could give you advice as to whom to approach.

So take RC's advice. At least say "hello". Sooner or later, a conversation will ensue. From there, the sky is the limit.

And yes, stop beating yourself up!

Always wear a smile. Try to think about something really funny in your life and wear that smile. I find it amazing when after dealing humorously with someone in a store and leaving with a smile. People on the street respond openly to a person with a smile by smiling right back. Women especially. Don't go overboard because of that and be yourself. Hell, you could even catch some guy in a bathroom and ask for help, you might well find someone willing and able to assist you. Just some food for thought and don't forget the magical opening a smile can create.

All sounds like good advice, thanks everyone.

I'll chime in for what's it's worth. You have gotten some very good advice already but here is something to consider. This lady that you fancy and would like to get to know better. Remember, this young lady is at the same club you are because you obviously both have the same interests. That's half the battle right there. You already know that she is interested in spanking related things just by her very presence at the club. So, perhaps go up, introduce yourself, maybe ask her low long she has been coming to the club. From there the conversation may blossom. Ask her what her particular spanking interests are.

You may find that this whole process is easier than you thought. Try and have a more positive outlook on yourself as well. As RosieCheeks and Guy pointed out. Focus on the positive. Good luck, and I really hope something good happens for you. I know how difficult it is to meet someone of the opposite gender with our kind of interests. Go for it. One parting piece of advice I got from a dear friend of my father's. The sure way to failure is to not try. Again, hope something good happens for you.

Just in case no one covered the basics, here is a song on how NOT to get laid. It's full of things that most people think are obvious, but you'd be surprise how many people need reminding on these subjects - at least among Con Goers.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSb6NGmfXB8

I guess it's a moot point now, she just posted she's exclusive with some guy now along with a whole slew of pictures of being spanked by him last night. Time for a few beers and then trying to get back up on the ol' horse and find someone else.

Beer and horses, now that's not a good mix

Keep that smile and say hello to all you meet, become that person who others remember for cheerful positivity, and you too will find that female who will be exclusive to you.

Thanks for keeping us updated,