I did it: I "came out" to my mom as a spanko

... at almost 50 years old.

*sigh*

I think I've already mentioned this, but I started writing spanking/BDSM stories when I was 14 years old. When I was about 16, my mom found those stories, and completely flipped out. If I were gay, this would have been like my mom walking in on me in flagrante delicto with another boy.

Mind you, at the time, I was 16 and Mom was (performing math) ... 38? And we attended a Pentecostal Christian church.

Mom's reaction to my stories was ... drag me out to the family car, by my ear, scream at me, yell about how there was no possible way that any woman would enjoy being spanked/whipped, and then attempting to perform an exorcism on me, because I was obviously possessed by demons.

Being terrified of my mother, I promised to never do it again.

Except, I did it again. And again. And again.

Fast forward, 30 years.

About three years ago, I discovered that I am closely related to a renowned "children's" author. In fact, that author is my mom's cousin (how I never heard about this while growing up, I do not know).

Obviously, I am not going to name her. But ... damn! I am related to a respected, published author?

It took me quite a while to work up the nerve, but I introduced myself to her (online, we've never met in person), and eventually asked if she would be willing to read one of my stories. My *spanking* stories.

She accepted, and I shared "The House in the Woods" with her. I warned her in advance that there was a small sexual component to the story, and she reassured me, "Sex doesn't offend me".

She liked my story. She told me that it was really good.

That was almost two years ago.

Tonight, I finally worked up the nerve to send (mom lives in a different state now) that story to my mom. I sent it along with a message: "Hey, Mom, remember when I was 16, and you found my stories? Well, I never stopped writing them, and here is the best thing I've ever written, and even cousin [name] thinks it's good!"

Awaiting her response ...

Well, it was a great story to send as it has so many ingredients that are appealing. I hope your mom appreciates your courage in sending this to her. Part of my spiritual practice is to get the intention right and then let go of the outcome. So, whatever happens, you have been true to yourself and you have wanted to share what is important to you with someone close. I also await the outcome with fingers crossed. Good luck.

Is your mother still part of a very conservative Christian church? If so, she'll likely be disappointed or even appalled at your "sinfulness", but unless she outright disowns you, so what? She might have mellowed in thirty years or maybe experienced different things/people in that time. If she's your mom, she probably still loves you anyway; she just might not approve of your "lifestyle". A lot of people don't approve of other family members beliefs, religious, political. or otherwise but it's usually only an issue at Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner. Good luck...

Rik, you are a braver man than I. Let us know how it turns out.

(That said, there might have been a good argument for leaving the lady in denial. )

She very well may refuse to even read it, but, perhaps she has mellowed over the years. When I was 38, I would probably have had a similar reaction to your mom's, and look at me now, twenty-something years later. Best of luck!

The best to you and your mother sir, and I must say you are a braver man than me.

CS

Bogiephil1
She's long "retired" at this point, 71 years old, and she and my stepfather live in an RV, working at campgrounds and tourist attractions around the USA. So for the last several years, she has just attended whichever church she finds in each town that feels most comfortable. And, yeah, she has "mellowed". Possibly due to my stepfather's influence. He's 5 years older than her, and is in fact a former "hippie", recovering alcoholic/drug addict, former experimenter with all manner of Eastern religions. In other words, the last guy on Earth I would have expected my mom to fall for. But she met him after Dad left (after 32 years of marriage). She decided to volunteer at the local men's homeless shelter, and he was the guy running the place, and they fell in love. And he introduced my mom to computers — she had never touched one before she met him — and the Internet. He broadened her horizons, and revealed to her a big wide world she hadn't known about. They've been married more than 20 years now Sadly, my stepfather is now, probably, in the early stages of Alzheimer's

There is also the fact that, yes, I'm a Christian, like my mom and stepfather. I'm still attending the same church that my mom attended here at home (though not the same church we attended at the time of "the incident" — we moved from one city to another when I was 17). I have actually been the bass player on the "worship team" for more than 20 years now. While it is a "Pentecostal" denomination, and, technically, very "conservative", my pastors (husband and wife; the wife is the leader of the worship team) are amazing people. I haven't revealed my "spanko" side to them, but we have had discussions about the "gay" issues in the news, particularly with regard to those jackholes at Westboro Baptist "Church". They agreed, wholeheartedly, that it is NOT our job, as Christians, to fight against homosexuals. It IS our job, as Christians, to love people. Because that's what Jesus told us to do.

The whole "Christian" movement against homosexuals, despite being presented as "The Bible Says", is ultimately rooted in fear. And what does the Bible say about that? I'll let this kid explain it, because he does it so well:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akayzakrTs0

My mom loves that kid's videos.

Anyway, I've had a number of gay and lesbian friends over the years, and at some point I realized that being a "spanko/kinkster" was no different. It's just a part of who we are, for whatever reason. I didn't "choose" to be a spanko. It's just ... me.

And then, maybe it's just my age. My mom has mentioned several times in recent months that I'm coming up on my "Jubilee Year", i.e., my 50th birthday (six months and one week away). The "Jubilee Year" is a Jewish thing, but she's adopted the idea. So I kinda figured, "Ya know, if I was gay, I would have come out by now" (it's not like it would hurt my career). So ... why not come out as a spanko? Okay, yeah, it's one thing to say, "I love differently", an another thing entirely to say, "Yeah, I like hitting women, and they like it." (which is how I suspect it sounds to vanillas)

I guess I'm also kind of "greasing the wheels" on behalf of my niece. My youngest niece, at age 12, came out as a lesbian, and now, at age 14, identifies as trans. She's only "out" to a very few people (her mom, her older sister, and me). But my sister realized that, at some point, Mom needs to know. So, hey, I've dropped the first bomb. Mom can get over her shellshock with *me*, and will hopefully be better prepared for my niece/nephew (I still refer to my niece with feminine pronouns, because she has not yet asked to be addressed as a boy. If she does, I will.)

I'm also debating whether I should come out to my "baby" sister. I call her my "baby" sister, because she's 11 years younger than me ... and holy crap, I just realized that she is now the same age Mom was when she found my stories *eek*. Like me, she is single, and never married. She's also an "on fire" Christian. So "on fire" that she even freaks out Mom. Mom and I have even talked about her, and we both agree that she's missing the point, somewhere. We're just not sure where, exactly.

My other sister and I also agree that our baby sister is probably a lesbian. A celibate, non-practicing, closeted, and completely-in-denial lesbian. As the older of my sisters explained it to me, after the two of them lived together for several years, "I have never seen a woman put so much effort into making herself undesirable to men." Refusing to wear dresses or skirts, packing on weight, refusing to wear makeup, cutting her hair stupidly short and dyeing it blue and green and purple. My baby sister used to be really, really pretty. Well, so was my other sister, the one who is very close to my age, and who is the mother of my nieces. The older of my sisters is still a very attractive woman. Sure, she's put on weight, but it's "natural" weight, the kind you'd expect to happen over the years. The same way I got kinda fat as I got older. But "baby" sister ... it just seems so deliberate.

*sigh*

In any case, my e-mail informs me that Mom has read my story, and has responded. I haven't read her response yet. I'm waiting until I'm pretty sure she's probably gone to bed, so that I can read it without her seeing that I'm logged into Facebook and trying to start a chat with me. I'm not quite ready to discuss it "live".

Oh, wow ... here is Mom's response:

So...I don't know what kind of opinion you must have of me that it would take you a year to work up courage to have me read your story! And I surely don't remember trying an exorcism on you. All I can say is that with age hopefully comes lots of wisdom and understanding. I want your life to glorify God, but who am I to say what God's opinion is of what glorifies Him. You belong to Him and I am probably your 2nd biggest fan after Him!

As for the story, I, too, think your writing is excellent. It is very descriptive and held my interest till the end. I was actually surprised when it ended! Didn't know it was a "short story" when I started. So I read it twice.

I didn't quite get the significance of the spanking, unless it was because she slapped him and he was playfully paying her back, though in extreme measures. So she fit the bill better than all those other girls by returning 3 times? And that's why the door was opened for Alice to be reunited with him? At least that's what I got out of it.

You definitely have a talent for writing. I've always thought so. You and [baby sister's name redacted] both. Keep it up! I am envious of your way with words. It is a gift from God!

SHE READ IT TWICE!

That's a great outcome. I feel relieved too. If you decide to come out further though you need to prepare yourself for some possible adverse reactions from others. Not everyone has the wisdom and love of your mom.