Do you regret having a spanking fetish ever ?

Having had this fetish sine I was 13, I do regret it at times. In my younger years my sex drive was higher and straight up sex would excite me,but since my mid-20's I have had to visualize spanking scenes or thoughts to achieve the end result. It doesn't help being married to a vanilla spouse for 20 years,but life is what it is and I could be in a worse relationship for sure. I guess I am just envious of "regular" people who don't have this.

Not sure. I'm fortunate in that I can still enjoy vanilla sex, but it does make it harder to find a longterm partner who can satisfy all of my needs.

Of course, if I wasn't a spanko, would I enjoy vanilla sex MORE than I do now? Are non-fetishists missing something, or are we? I really don't know.

I suspect many of our regular contributors, authors and readers enjoy the library because they like to fantasise about spanking and don't get all that many opportunities to play in real life. And, if you discover your spanking fetish in mid-life having a vanilla partner, it can lead to lots of regret.

Do I regret it? No but it's been a near thing at times. I accept I can't be at fetish events and play parties every weekend but even within those free enough to do so there seems a lot of desperate searching, broken relationships and unhappiness and I'm really far too old to go through that kind of drama.

I don't regret it because it wasn't a choice. I do, however, often dislike it.

-LK

In a word - no.

I have been a spanko all my life and my only regret is trying to deny it for years. I spent far too long pretending it wasn't a part of me when i should have been embracing it, as i do now.

And i'm not talking about going to fetish parties or playing spanking games with virtual strangers. I have no wish to do that. I mean accepting that all my fantasies and sexual urges are based on being spanked. Why waste time trying to be aroused by more mundane scenarios when the thought of having my arse slapped does it every time? ; )

But i am content for it to all be in my head...or in my stories! Which is pretty fortunate since I too have been married to a vanilla for 30 years.

Not for a moment. It's given me years of intense pleasure - and sparked some very satisfying relationships.

No. I've been "interested" in spanking since I was around nine and my interest increased post-puberty, but it was always in the fantasy realm for me. Had I had the chance to indulge this interest at the time, I may have felt differently about it. It's not something I think I would ever do in R/L but I do like reading and writing about it. No regrets at all...

Dancer, I agree! No regrets. However, I have been lucky that once I talked to my hubby, things were even better! He is not all into it, but he enjoys it more than a vanilla. We are going on almost 24 years of wedded bliss and I am thankful.

I'd also answer no. I've always looked upon it as something rather magical, so I feel gratitude, not regret. If there was a "cure", I wouldn't want it.

I find it hard to use the word "regret" for something that has simply been innate for as long as I can remember. But I can say that it's been frustrating. Being aware of my kink from such a young age (I played spanking games with my fellow neighborhood kids well before any of us had hit puberty, and I wrote my first spanking stories when I was around 14), it has been an essential item on my "lists" of "what I want in a partner/wife". And she would have to be a "true" spanko.

I was able, when I was younger, to enjoy plain vanilla sex, but as time went by I realized that I was wasting my time looking for a partner/wife among women who weren't spankos. If things worked out such that I had sex more than once with a particular woman, I would try to subtly introduce some playful spanking. Hell, I tried it with the very girl who took my virginity, the second time we had sex! I kept it "playful", and she went along with it, because she liked to consider herself "kinky". Alas, that relationship ended not long after, for unrelated reasons (though we remained friendly). I bumped into her online a few years ago (on MySpace, I think), and we had a nice chat. She confessed to me that she really wasn't as "kinky" as she liked to think she was back then. Still, I can give her credit for my redhead fetish. I always thought it was kind of awesome that I lost my virginity to an Irish redhead ... on St. Patrick's Day ;P

A couple years later, I ended up dating a pretty, young coworker. In this case, I'm the one who took her virginity, and shortly thereafter I introduced spanking. And she turned out to be "game" for just about anything I wanted to do. She was willing to try anything once. Oh, the joy! I spanked her often, I spanked her long and hard, I tied her up, I spanked other parts of her, I clamped her nipples. And the sex that followed a spanking was utterly amazing. 25 years later, I still have to say that she was the most sexually responsive partner I ever had. Seriously, she was a sheltered virgin when we started dating, and she didn't watch porn (this was several years before the Internet became a thing), so I would find it hard to believe that she was faking anything. In any case, her orgasmic responses when we had sex were totally unlike the female responses I've seen in porn. They were better. Sadly, that relationship ended after a year and a half, for reasons that were entirely my fault: basically I was a 22- 23-year-old dumbass who was drunk most of the time and unwilling to give that wonderful girl a serious commitment. Being older (and hopefully wiser) I can look back and realize that I took her for granted, and that's no way to take anybody.

I spent most of my 20s drunk, when I wasn't working (that was my "drunk rule": never before work.) Despite my drunkenness, I was self-aware enough to realize that I was in no condition to get into a relationship with a woman. I didn't want some nice girl suffering from my problems. (Also, my maternal grandfather had been a career alcoholic, and I heard the stories from my mother about how he made their lives miserable when she was growing up, and I had no desire to follow in his footsteps. I'd leave other people out of it, and keep my miserable self to myself.) I had a few one-night stands in my 20s, but no relationships. I ultimately sobered up when I was 28 (which turned into 14 years of complete sobriety). At 29 and sober, I got into a brief sexual relationship that lasted only a few weeks. That was 1995, and that was the last time I had sex. Well, sex with another person :D

So here I am now, 48 years old, never married, no kids, and voluntarily celibate for 19 years. I'm totally uninterested in a relationship with any woman who doesn't meet two specific criteria:

1) She has to interest me both physically and intellectually.

2) She must be, at the very least, a genuine "bottom". No posers, please.

Living in a rather small, conservative, rural town, I've considered my situation to be pretty hopeless. But things are looking up. Completely by accident, I stumbled into meeting one of the "leaders" of the local "kink" community, along with a couple of the "members", while I was down at my favorite karaoke bar. So, who knows?