Being over-passionate as the story-teller

Just a quick topic to toss out there! I am a new reader to the site and just completed my first story submission. Using text edit in mac, I did not page-format it at all and, believing that I had several pages, was very surprised to discover that I have many pages LOL!.....but I digress.
We as story-tellers get passionate, especially in creating the tension pre-spanking and during. The overuse of ellipses and repetition of letters, sounds, etc. are not a result of our not wanting to be structurally and grammatically correct, but because we want so badly to paint the same picture for the reader that we, the story-tellers, see.
But in the end on paper it results in confusion. As an actor I know the phrases "keep it simple stupid" and "less is more", but how do you pull in the reigns so that you don't get carried away? I'd appreciate some veterans' opinions on this.
The floor is now open. punchy55

I think the most important thing is to realize that there is a big difference between a fantasy and a story. A fantasy is for our own pleasure and we can put in all the little peculiarities that get us going. Logic, realism and pacing isn't important as long we keep hitting those little buttons. Probably most people are like me and like playing the scenes over and over in their heads till they get them exactly right. The result is probably ludicrous to everybody else (and even to ourselves in a sober mode), but perfect then and there.

A story should reach a much bigger audience and needs structure, logic and proper pacing. Most people probably don't share your more peculiar peculiarities, so use them sparingly — one for each story is more than enough. A story should create pictures in the reader's mind, but as far as spanking scenes go, I (others may disagree!) think that the best scenes are those the readers create themselves - hence your writing should stimulate them to make their own mental picture and not dictate them what to see.

All good stories have a natural logic and a natural pace, and many stories are ruined because authors refuse to listen to their own stories, e.g. by letting the characters change personality when they get to the spanking scene or by making it much too long and detailed compared to the rest of the story. Again my rule is as above: The reader's imagination is much stronger than your prose, and the best you can do is to stimulate him or her to use it for all it is worth!

That's my dime's worth so far, and I don't expect everybody to agree...

awesome response, Alef! Thanks! I will be the first to admit that I am the ultimate spanko and enjoy the descriptive passages as well as anyone, but you are absolutely right!! I have only read 80 or so stories so far on this site, and I HAVE found that suddenly a parent's character and personality has made a 90% turn once the pre-spanking lecture and spanking begins. I'm glad you have seen that as well. It's NOT consistent and I will stay away from that temptation! And thanks for the advice on letting the reader form his/her own images from the storytelling and not trying to force them onto them! punchy55

I agree totally with what Alef said. One way to "pull in the reins" is to let it sit a few hours, or a few days, and then read it aloud. Another is to have one or two other people read it, but they have to be willing to tell you the brutal truth. It isn't worth much to ask friends who will just rubber stamp it.

I'm not sure what you mean by "the ultimate spanko". We are all different and like different things in stories, as well as in spanking.

I like to write so that the reader has what I like to call "A Mind's Eye View," of what's going on. I started out writing on the LSF with a bunch of CRACK SMACK WHACK SLAP, etc... I later found that some good descriptive data involving the actual spanking worked out a lot better. I still use a bit of dialogue for the character taking the spanking with "Ow, Oh, Please! I'm sorry." I just like using it. I've pulled in the reins quite a bit over the past few years involving the soundex part of the story. If I can make the readers actually see in their minds what's taking place, and they comment to that effect, then I feel I did them justice as far as taking the time to read the story. That's a plus for me.

Experience. Like bendover I used a lot of the smack, crack, etc... early on. I came to the realisation that I could paint an equally vivid picture without doing that as much by using descriptive words. As you write and review your work you kind of start to realise more is less and vice versa. I know it's difficult to do with spanking oriented work, but reading out loud is a great way to pick up things that don't sound right. If they don't sound right they generally aren't. There's also excess information, when you read it back to yourself you need to think, does the audience really need to know this? It may be great information for you to have as backstory or additional detail, but does the audience need to read it? You also learn how to disseminate information gradually throughout the storie/s, rather than infodump it all at once. Hope this helps.

Dear FiBlue, bendover, and Seegee (by the way you were my favorite vaudeville team back in the 50's )....thanks so much for these comments! You are awesome! And very helpful to a new perspiring I mean aspiring spanking author like myself! FiBlue, you really are so right about letting it sit for a while, then reading it out loud! I'm a voice actor and many times I will record an audition or a passage for an audiobook and think: "That was great!" But then after being away from it awhile I will take a second or third listen and decide: "No, this is NOT truthful and needs work!" And getting second and third and third opinions from people who are not best friends but rather objective ears also will help! Thanks! And bendover and Seegee, glad to hear you two also fell into the trap when you first started out of relying heavily (no pun intended) on SMACK WHACK etc. to convey the scene. I learned from you guys today (and I know this from acting) that if the descriptive passage does not help DRIVE the scene forward (or the plot forward), I agree, it's not worth inserting it in the story. Thanks so much guys!!! punchy55

When writing a spanking in a story rather than a fantasy, I think it's important to consider whether or not there is a story within the spanking itself. Do either or both of the characters make an emotional transition during the punishment? If that's the case, I think it's necessary to get into it more with description. If it's a world of frequent spankings, it's a good place to experiment with economy of word and space. There's more than one way to skin a cat, so it's all just suggestions, but in general people are more into a story when every event matters to the characters.

Patron, your comment is so right-on!....or, to put it another way, it makes me think about what should be STRIVED for when writing the story: that we as writers raise the stakes for the spanking scene so that it is a character-changing event for all (spanker and spankee), not just a punishment scene but a scene that is part of the arc of the characters in the story. We experience their emotional change and growth when, as you say, "every event matters." Thanks!!

One thing I think is important (as Alef mentioned) to is try to make the characters' actions logical and fit the personalities I've created for them. Sometimes I want a character to do something that may not on the surface seem likely. As a result, I may sometimes spend too many words getting into their thoughts and emotions which explain their actions. Too much explanation bogs the story down and too little makes it seem unconvincing. Sometimes I have a hard time and may fail at getting the balance right.