How to tell if a guy has twitchy palms...

Or is a spanko?

I'm rather shy and hesitate turning up for munches and etc to meet like minded people, but how can you tell that someone (a guy!) is into spanking... Any tell tale signs? Any warning signs that someone's also a psycho?

I'm hoping for a miracle at Christmas!

I AM NOT A PSYCHO!!... er... i mean... in answer to your first question... a guy who likes spanking will likely check out your bottom... as well as those of other women. He may try to do it surreptitiously, but pay attention - it'll be obvious. He may be too self-conscious about his interest to bring it up himself, but, if you seed the conversation with a few obscure spank-related references, he'll notice. At first, you're probably catch him blushing ever-so slightly, but sooner or later, in one-on-one conversation, he will latch onto one of them and make a comment, so as to gauge your interest. Hey - it's like any flirting - be coy. And if your spanking-references are obscure, non-spankos probably wont' pay much attention, so you aren't likley to "out" yourself unnecessarily. Or, you could just ask him

I think Rick's last suggestion is the best. I know it's a hard thing to do, but if you trust him and genuinely care for him, open honesty is always appreciated.

He'll sit down and look at his lap. He'll then look back at the her bottom again. Then, right back down on his lap mumbling, "Oh yeah!"

This is an easy question callingbutterfly. Simply approach the fella you have picked out and stick your bum out while asking him, "Would you like to slap this?" I don't know about the other guys on this site but if any woman ever did that to me I would know she was a spanko and being a spanko of course I would slap her butt.

This situation does not work as well for guys because women's bottoms are usually much more tempting to slap, and guys are not shy about slapping them if given the opportunity.

Since you are shy and would not likely ask the guy directly, try my 'indirect' method mentioned above and I guarantee you will find out very quickly if the man is into slapping your butt. And remember I went to college so I have to know something.....don't I?

CS

Checking out your butt is a sign, though certainly not a definitive one in either direction.

During flirtation, he might make plausibly deniable spanking references, but again, this is hardly reliable. A better test would probably be to do so yourself and gauge his reaction.

Two important questions: how important to you is spanking, and how long do you have to be dating a guy before you get physical? If you can live without spanking, or if getting touchy with a guy isn't a big investment for you, then you should probably just wait until your first makeout session and then ask him directly.

As for psychos...unfortunately, they don't have devil horns and tails to give them away (if they did, people wouldn't fall for them). Something I've learned, though, is that unpleasant personality traits often go further than I first suspect. If someone seems cold or domineering, take that as a warning sign and proceed more cautiously.

Dear Callingbutterfly.

I'm an experience Dom in the Fetish community in my part of the universe. (PacNorthWest) Think Seattle.

I like a lot of kinky things but I discovered my kinkiness through the Spanko world. It is still my first love.

For Newbies, for that's what we would call people who are just starting the exploration of their kink, it is scary as hell. You must have the courage to take the first steps. The best method is simply honesty. Difficult but necessary. Dancing around the issue will simply be frustrating. But not easy. Leave yourself an escape route. Use common sense. Meet in public spaces to discuss your desire and questions. If you decide to take a chance on someone tell your best friend or someone you trust. Make yourself an Insurance Policy. Body parts are not important. Build yourself a situation that allows you to build confidence with who you want to play with. Don't go to fast. Make sure they understand 'Safe Words' Again; move slowly until your are confident. A good player will understand. If your prospective partner is also new they will also want to move slowly.

Experienced players are brutally honest while negotiating a scene with a new partner. It does not lend itself to spontaneity but is worth it. And it saves much hassle along the way. Stay sober. Do not succumb to drunken or high times with a partner until you have played with someone at least once. I garuntee you that you will sense an experienced player and the forthright conversation will serve you well.

It's scary! It' very satisfying. Take the time that it takes! If you feel that I can be useful to you drop me a private line.

Good Luck.

Large Grin. Welcome.

I think one of the easiest ways to tell if a guy is into spanking is when he smacks your butt during sex. That's gotta mean he's saying, "what a naughty girl."

I am a natural flirt/brat.....being light hearted and a tad 'naughty' around a guy tells you pretty quickly if they are spanko's. A stamp of the foot or a pout will soon achieve the desired response if they are! Lol.

When you are conversing with him face to face, say that something you did was rather naughty. Check his reactions. A smirk, or a comment in which he refers to you as 'young lady', would pretty much mean he is into ttwd.

Then, take him shopping! Tell him you need to buy a new hairbrush. A spanko male probably would be keen to join you in the store and help you pick out a good one. Perhaps even testing the back of it against his palm hehe. Most vanillas however, would not be keen to look at hairbrushes and would most likely suggest that he visits the hifi store whilst you seek out the perfect brush! Kitchen stores are a good place for testing whether a man is potentially a spanko. He will glance around at not only any female shopper's bottoms but also the wooden spoons, spatulas, cheeseboards, etc. However, bear in mind that a man who does find hairbrushes and spatulas etc fascinating may well be a switch or even a bottom himself.

What you are doing here is really reading his body language, so no single gesture can be interpreted in isolation of the others. Reading his body language signals in response to your hints is in no way 100% foolproof but still a good way to build your confidence for stage 2 if he is responding favourably!

Now on to stage 2. The honest discussion. You could ask him to share his sexual fantasies whilst in a relaxed moment (over a romantic meal perhaps, or even during a physically intimate moment if you are up to that stage in your relationship). Men are generally quite happy to tell their partners what they enjoy sexually! And it provides a great opening for you to tell him what YOU want too!

Eileena Cross wrote an article in the Wellred Weekly Vol 1 Number 1 entitled: Getting Your Vanilla Partner to Whack Your Butt. Some of the advice in there may be helpful in your situation.

As for whether or not he is a psycho....
Anyone with bad personality traits of any kind should be avoided... ie is he easily angered, do his moods change frequently, is he possessive, controlling, does he constantly want to know where you are and who you are with? These of course are some of the obvious signs to watch out for. But human nature is far more complicated than that so you can never be sure that the sweet, kind guy isn't really a wolf in sheep's clothing until you have gotten to know him very well. For this reason ALWAYS meet in public places using your OWN transport, in the early stages of the relationship. After a few public place meetings you could suggest bringing a supportive friend or family member with you who can give you their honest and trusted opinions.