Born at the Wrong Time?

@tysout, great post. I feel very similar. I'm a middle-aged guy (52 next June) who's been a closeted spanker for 40 years, but who's rarely (though not never) told anyone about it. I've told my wife but she's a committed vanilla and doesn't want to know about it. When you can't get understanding from your own wife, who can you get some from? Actually, I've found boards like this (I'm new to this particular board, but it's a great one so far!) to be extremely helpful. At least you can talk to someone about your kink without the overhead of pre-judgement. I definitely agree with your comment that coming out at our age is problematic. After many years, people see you a certain way and getting them to make room for a new facet of your personality can be difficult.

I never really spanked my kids (an occasional, half-hearted swat was all I could manage). I guess I feel that spanking ought to be a consensual between two adults. I don't think kids can really give informed consent so they ought not to be spanked. As to your question about where new spankos come from I can point out that there are many spankos that were never spanked as children. Maybe the new spankos will come spring up the same way.

I also feel that spanking is becoming mainstream, but in a odd way. To me, it seems as if the legitimate desire for spanking is only granted to the bottom and not to the top. I'm a top, so maybe I'm seeing something not intended, but it does seem to me that people judge tops more harshly. They seem to believe that we are 'mean' or 'strange' or 'deviant' rather than just accept us as what we really are - people with a need.

Please comment back. I'd be interested in your opinion.

I had no idea what TTWD stood for....so thank you Bendover for enlightening me! I sincerely believe I was born with a spanko/submissive gene inside me. There was never a point when I decided that spanking excited me - it just always has.

Perhaps it is different, being a girl, but I am not so very secretive about my kink....certainly not these days anyway (with age comes confidence). I don't share it with everybody but I have opened up to my vanilla husband, some of my family and my closest friends. I don't think it has changed their opinions of me....I'm still the same scatty/loving/happy/annoying/demanding woman I have always been to them...I just like having my arse slapped too! Everyone is weird in some way. It's not such a big deal.

If anyone stopped liking or loving me because i enjoy being spanked....then, in my opinion, they can't have truly liked or loved me in the first place.

I don't share my spanking interest with anyone else than my wife. After all she's the one I wan't to spank.

She the archetype of a person who don't understand spanking as a sexual act. In all other aspects (almost at least) she considers me a nice, normal person. But she has more than once said: " If our friend knew about you strange preference they would be chocked!" I don't want to be condemned by other by sharing my interest. Yet I must admit that I know nice females I would be happy to discuss spanking with. (It's more awkward for me to discuss it with men.)

But maybe it is not unusual we keep "TTWD" secret: I suppose most of us doesn't discuss other kind of sexual act with friends. I don't remember we at work or among friends ever having discussed our view on e.g. oral sex. Because spanking previously was considered abnormal by the majority, I think we long to be accepted and coming out of the closet.

I think there is hope: After 2-3 centuries where spanking was hidden away we now see spanking popping up much more.

Btw: I have always considered TTWD as funny ways to say "spanking", joking with how we keep it secret. If I'm serious I would never write TTWD.

In my opinion we are born with the desire to spank or to be spanked. It is triggered out by an action or by a sight, usually, but not always, very early, even in the pre-teen years. Mine was triggered when I was 9 by a mom of a friend who paid a forfeit in a game by letting me spank her bum covered by flowered summer dress. A girlfriend when we both were 14 confessed her desire to get spanked since she was 5 or 6. Neither of us were ever spanked by our parents.

For a spanko nowadays there's a myriad of opportunities to follow and learn about his kink on the Web. It was completely different when I was young and had to dig out references out of books or magazines not readily available even for adults. My first source of information was the dictionary.

Although spanking of children was once (very few years ago) considered common place and written about freely, is now highly controversial and has a majority of pedagogues and lawmakers against; spanking between consensual partners has its place in Occidental culture as represented by the media from science fiction to romance to movies, drama and comedy.

By the way I'm out of closet since long ago and TTWD was coined by a member of this Library and a great author of spanking fiction Phil K.

I'm glad you posted that, Minidancer, because I did the same thing while on vacation in SC this summer. A few of my closest relatives. They actually got a kick out of it. I felt confident all of a sudden. I started out by stating that I write spanking and erotic stories for a webzine. Funny, they never asked which one, and I never offered any info. It actually felt good. What can I say, I just love my kinky side.

Hoorah for our kinky sides! Lol.

Well done Bendover...im glad to hear im not the only one to fess up. Its actually quite a relief to be so honest about myself with the people i love. The friends i have told will sometimes tease me about it or make jokes - but so what? Spanking is fun. I just enjoy the attention.

Thanks for the credit, KJM. As I remember, the exact words behind the abbreviation were That Thing We Do. I'm not sure if I was the first person to use the phrase (there was a Tom Hanks movie around that time called 'That Thing You Do!', which may have inspired it), but I think I did come up with the shortened form.

It was never a way of avoiding the word 'spanking', more a shorthand summing-up of the whole culture of what we enjoy - the bratting, the scolding, the threats, the anticipation, the role-play, the parties, the removal or non-removal of clothing, the positioning, the implements, the in-the-corner-standing, the afterglow, etc, etc - as well as the key bottom-warming action. In short, everything that makes it so deliciously Our Thing.

We had another thread on this subject, a while ago. This is a good thread and a fine subject matter. It is interesting to delve into the reasons behind our sexual desires. For me, it is a combination of fascination and hereditary. In my time of growing up, spanking was a definite way of life. Parents spoke about it often and it was not a subject of taboo. It was for disciplinary only with children and was certainly not a discussion on consenting adults. My own mother justified my spankings by indicating that when she was visiting a local zoo, with her female friends, she saw a mother chimpanzee spanking her young offspring. It was a natural way of disciplining a child. Spankings were in comics, magazine articles on the raising of children and other forms of media. You really don't see this today. Generally, it is not discussed. I would say that the way the spanking was handled by the parent and the attitude of the parents, afterwards, was very important in the child's.attitude on spanking. My mother, who gave all of my spankings, was always having a negative attitude on me. There was no love; before or after. This had a lasting effect on me; more so than the spanking alone.

That's sad to hear, Sebastian. My feeling's always been that there's nothing so terrible about children being spanked so long as it's explained to them beforehand, calmly and quietly, just why they deserve spanking - and then they're cuddled afterwards and told they're forgiven and still very much loved. A loving context is all - something your mother evidently neglected to provide.

I love that movie. The One-Ders became the Wonders for a one hit wonder "That Thing You Do."

Sebastian, I feel for you because I went through the same when growing up as a little boy. I believed my mother enjoyed humiliating me. Sad but true. The LSF to me is also a learning experience. We learn about one another, for those who are willing to tell their stories. Here I'm not afraid to open up. Even if we were in a circle around a table face to face, I wouldn't be afraid to relate this way or that. It's so good to have friends.