A cute poem that could be cuter

I recently stumbled over a cute thing at http://lotoflaughters.com/a-womans-poem/ . For those who do not want to follow the link, here's the poem:

A Woman's poem

He didn't like the casserole
and he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard,
not like his mother used to make.
I didn't make the coffee right,
he didn't like my stew,
I didn't fold his pants,
the way his used to do.
I pondered for an answer.
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around
and smacked the shit out of him,
like his mother used to do.
----

It's cute, but that second to the last line needs work. Personally I think it could be "and smacked his bottom red" or "and smacked his bare bottom with a brush" or something like that.

Does anyone else have a nice replacement line for "and smacked the shit out of him"? If so I'd love to hear it.

Goodgulf

Maybe 'I spanked him good and hard' or 'I turned him over my knee'.

The reason this doesn't feel right is because there are 5 lines in the third rhyming section of the poem as opposed to 4 in each of the two preceding sections, so in order to make this work better (unless a jarring departure from metre is desired, which isn't really in keeping with the theme) we should repair this first.

How about:

I pondered for an answer.
I was looking for a clue.
And so I spanked his backside
Like his mother used to do

I agree with OPB...it doesn't flow right as it was originally written. i think it would read better as -

I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue
Then I turned around
And spanked him
Like his mother used to do

I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around
and smacked the shit out of him,
like his mother used to do.

Should be:

I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around
and paddled his butt
like his mother used to do.

(or spanked his butt; slippered his butt, walloped his butt etc..)

Actually I have decided it should be -

He didn't like my casserole
And he didn't like my cake
He said my biscuits were too hard
Not like his mother used to make
I didn't make the coffee right
He didn't like my stew
I didn't fold his pants
The way he used to do
So I divorced the tosser.

Just a thought!

How about:

So I took him over my lap and spanked him hard
Like his mother used to do...

Or maybe:

So I pulled his pants down and paddled his bottom
Like his mother used to do...

I may be in the minority here, but I think that is exactly what is intended. It reminds me of an old vaudevillian joke. If you read it aloud with a 'sweet,' sort of whiny tone, then change to matter-of-fact speech for the line 'Then I turned around and smacked the shit out of him' and then go back to the sweet tone for the last line, it is hilarious.

But, if I had to fix it to fit the meter I would say,

I pondered for an answer.
I was looking for a clue.
So I turned and smacked his butt,
like his mother used to do.

Mini's divorce answer is pretty good too.

"Smack him like his mother use to" sounds vague. She may not get that right either.

LOL

Yes, he'd probably complain about it. "Call that a spanking? my mother used to..."


And that in turn reminds me of the limerick (parodied here in A Professional Lady btw)

There once was a bard from Japan
who wrote verses that no-one could scan
When asked why 'twas so
He said "I don't know,
"It's just that I always try to get as many words on the last line as I possibly can."