How to handle women

I don't claim to be an expert by any means, but I've learnt a couple of things over the years, including ...

1. A woman may appear to be pregnant, but on no account suggest that she is unless you already know for a fact that it's true.

2. Don't buy clothes for a woman unless you're one hundred percent sure of her size. If the garment's too small she'll be depressed because she can't get into it. If it's too large she'll be mad at you for thinking she's fatter than she is.

3. Never suggest to a woman that she might be a man in drag. They don't like it.

Anyone got any other advice? (Women may retaliate!)

They are usually right about things and when they are not it's sensible not to mention it! Most important of all it's a subject it's best not to make sweeping generalisations about!! But like you I have never considered myself an expert!

PS Seriously I think we would find it bloody hard without them! And I am not talking just about making babies!

Never get into an argument with a woman. Even if you win, you lose, if you catch my drift..

HA! A sensible man (unlike Blimp!)

In my experience, this is simple: Men don't handle women. Women handle men.

That blows my mind. What about an argument between two women?

Actually at my last job there was a female colleague with particularly strong views, who tended to get into a mental groove and stick there. Someone could say something which she'd wrongly interpret and argue fiercely against, brushing aside the other person's attempts to point out that what she was rubbishing, they hadn't said. I think my experience of this was relatively mild and she did sometimes take account of a diplomatic protest, for example:

Ms X: "And you need to..."
Me: "No, X, I don't need to. You've advised me of your opinion, though, and I'm listening."
Ms X: Right. O.K....

However, she line managed a female colleague in an open-plan office and their conversations often went round and round in circles with Ms X arguing over and over again against something Ms Y hadn't said, while Ms Y patiently and vainly tried to explain what she had said. After that line management relationship ended, I mentioned this to Ms Y, who responded:

"Yeah! Sometimes I could have hit her!"

The same way you handle men, sexual complications notwithstanding.

This is not retaliation, Alan. Not all women are like Ms X. Only crazy people associate w/ the Xs of the world. If you treat most women fairly and respectfully, they will walk barefoot on burning sands for you. If a woman feels exploited - best to leave town.
I agree, do not buy women clothes unless you are absolutely sure of her size and favorite color- gift certificates work well, so do diamonds and gold-ha. Most women don't complain when they open those. Another thing that women find tiresome is the beauty issue, only stunningly beautiful ones are worth pursuing. Go ahead, be a sport and look a little deeper before you discard a women who does not meet your Knock Out Looks measure.
Consider one who keeps her promises, listens to you and responds thoughtfully to your hopes and dreams and can satisfy you and enrich your life.
IC

Oh dear, I took this thread as very much tongue on cheek but the last few replies make me think I was supposed to take it rather more seriously... time for bed me thinks

NOOO! It was tongue in cheek! Come back!