Statement

An alibi for what time exactly? This implies you know when it happened.
I find the absence of any apologies accompanying the many denials we have heard so far quite despicable. It happened, and someone needs to be sorry.

Or at lest made sorry

Well this is a fine put up job. All the usual suspects are busy practicing their best culpable deniability faces. I suspect deep lawyer coaching and a hope that no one has a lie detector. Very Murdochesk if you ask me. Hmmmmmmmm???????

Clearly, Februs, your only acceptable course of action is to resign. Then all the politicians will line up to say what an honourable person you are.

And then they'll give him a huge backhander (and not the spankering kind!)

I require an absolute assurance that when the thrower of the shaving cream pie over poor Februs is fully established-chief suspects currently Flopsy and or Pink Angel then the official cane will be taken fron the cupboard and used appropriately.

I should also like to put myself forward as the Chairman of the enquiry which I shall hang out for at least six months while on a retainer of one thousand pounds a day-which I am informed will be a low quote!!