Severity Of Punishment

The last time I was on the receiving end of consensual punishment was about forty years ago. My girlfriend at the time would find fault with my behaviour, let me know I was going to get six of the best or however many. Usually she would tell me some time before so as to allow several hours of anticipation. Then when the time came I would endure as best as I could. Neither of us liked bondage so restraints were never used but the punishment was painful to say the least. I had never heard of "safe words" nor had she. If it was too painful that was just hard luck!

Can't imagine enjoying that sort of thing now though!! Sooner have a nice bowl of pasta and a glass of red wine!

Just shows you're getting older and wiser

As the commenter who prompted this illuminating exchange, a heartfelt thanks to you all.

I prefer to judge a spanking on the reaction and release of the spankee over the actual severity of the swats.

I guess it's a question of different strokes for different folks and as has already been said a spanking that's hell to one submissive might well be nothing special to another.
IMHO the most important aspect to be considered is that both Top and bottom are agreed on the level of "punishment" that's acceptable to both of them.

Talking for myself, I always want a spanking or caning to really hurt otherwise I feel I might as well not bother. Warm-up spankings and role play are great but sooner or later it needs to get more serious - at least for me.

Nowadays I am usually looking to receive a sound caning as "the main course" in a session but that doesn't preclude some stiff spanking during warm-up, especially with leather implements. I also like to be firmly secured over a spanking bench for the caning so that there is no way I can interfere with the punishment and I especially do not want to have the safety net of a safe word - if I've been sentenced to a severe caning then that is what I want to experience - at least until the first stroke lands that is!!!

There have been a number of occasions over the years where my Top has asked if I've "had enough and want to be released from the bench" and I have always answered "YES!" because I ain't THAT stupid! However this has always left me sad and disappointed because I really don't want it to stop when it starts to get serious.

For me having no safe word is essential because if there were one I would scream it out as soon as the strokes got anywhere near being unbearable. I absolutely hate real pain but need it if the session is to have any value for me. It enables me to experience very valid and justifiable fear in the run up to a "punishment" and that fear is a significant and important component of that cocktail of feelings I experience when I know serious punishment is imminent.

No safe word and being secured over a bench means that the caning can - and for me should - go beyond the level I would otherwise be able to take without copping out - I guess I'm just a wuss!
A "punishment caning" (or spanking) therefore needs, for me, to go beyond the "bearable". After all a caning is supposed to be painful and certainly becomes a genuine punishment when it becomes unbearable. I find the idea of real tears caused by punishment to be quite erotic although I would not be surprised to discover that there are few who would agree me!

But at the end of the day I do not ask to be mercilessly flogged until I'm cut and bleeding - I make that quite clear at the outset - which brings us back to the - horses for courses, trust and defined levels of punishment and differing levels perceived by submissives mentioned at the start of this post.

Is there anybody else who can identify with the feelings expressed here?

origuni, I appreciate your sharing that. I think I understand your feelings as well as anyone can who hasn't had the real-life personal experience. Of course, going that far without a safeword requires a partner you absolutely trust and who knows you well enough, and is willing to give you what you need. That perfect bond and trust, and the intense physical and emotional experience of that kind of submission is something I can only imagine (and be jealous of).

RyanRowland
Thanks for your comments Ryan.
I have recently found a person who I very soon learned I could trust absolutely.
This is not my partner (wife) but a paid lady with exceptional talents in the area of BDSM. She is able to take my needs and fantasies on board and turn my dreams into reality. She knows instinctively how far she can go and takes me even further when she reads the need to do so in my responses. I can also honestly say that I have never met anyone - professional or private - with such mastery in the application of the cane in serious punishment. Over the years I have experienced many satisfying sessions in the private BDSM scene but never come across such perfection. Her ability to pitch intensity and severity along the borders of my limits with an unbelievable accuracy (I have lost count of the times I have left a session with stripes down the side of my thighs from cane strokes applied by amateurs) is literally breathtaking.
The problem is I hate all forms of pain but for the experiences this lady is capable of delivering I am more than willing to take the tears and pain of (for me at least) real punishment for the release and tranquility that follows as a result. Does this make sense to anyone?!

If it works for you, then it makes sense. What else matters?

Origuni,

Actually, I can completely identify with your perspective. Just recently I had an impromptu rendezvous with a woman with whom I work. She was unable to make it home during a blizzard with white-out conditions and I had to go and get her just outside of town (I'm surprised my shorts were still white by the time I was safely back to town). Since I was going to also be unable to make it home, we decided on getting a motel room together. We knew that we had similar interests and one thing led to another and I found myself on the receiving end of her wielding a slipper. She stung my backside quite well, but due to the spontaneity of this encounter, I was without some sort of way of being restrained and I wiggled quite a bit. But all too soon, she made the mistake of saying, "Just tell me when you've had enough." I, like you, hate pain. Of course, the words "Okay, enough!" were out of my mouth before the echo of her own words died. The feeling of heat in my bottom was very nice as was the splendid shade of red that had suffused my buttocks, but I was largely unfulfilled because it just wasn't what I wanted. I didn't want to be asked if I'd had enough and I certainly didn't want to be in a position where I could wiggle out of the way. *SIGH* Where is your professional lady when I need her?

Thomas L. Bruns

As a long time spanker, always a male top playing with a female sub, I have encountered only a few subs who want severe spankings. Looking back, that doesn't surprise me. I've long been convinced that most subs are are not really masochists. What they are really into is erotic humiliation, more than pain. There has to be some pain in the spanking so that it is real, not just a pretend spanking. But most subs don't want or need anything more severe than that.