Writing Standards

That's right. It's all you.

Self publishing has been an interesting experience. I decided to do it to put my stories out to a different audience. Kindle's platform is really easy to use, but you do have to pour over your manuscript to catch errors. Then there is the cover. You need rights to the art or picture you use, but there are many sites where you can buy them. I made a deal with Paula Russell and now I'm trying to use her art exclusively. So even though no one has reviewed any of my ebooks, I have had sales. How about that?

Indeed you do! But pour what?

(Sorry - just couldn't resist! And it's not as if I don't make misteaks too)

Flopsybunny, you are 100% percent correct in upholding writing standards for this spanking library. For you and your editorial staff, have made these beautful readouts one of a kind and the best of kind. In fact I would even go as far to say. You and your staff, exemplify the combination of the New York Times, and the New York Public Library. And that is a mighty good combination. And I mean very word I just have said.

That's 'every' word I just said. See? You're messing up already. That's six of the best for YOU!!!!

Many years ago I used to read the Xanth books by Piers Anthony and enjoyed their blend of comic fantasy - then they became long collections of puns and I stopped reading them...

But at around the same time Piers Anthony was learning how to use a word processor with spell check, he included a scene where someone captured a "spelling bee" and forces it to take dictation. Every word dictated is spelled correctly, but every second or third word is the wrong one.

Since someone posted it to a wiki, here's the story the character dictated:

Eye live inn the Land of Xanth, witch is dis-stinked from Mundaina inn that their is magic inn Xanth and nun inn Mundania. Every won inn Xanth has his own magig talent; know to are the same. Sum khan sore threw the heir. Butt inn Mundania know won does magic, sew its very dull. They're are knot any dragons their. Instead their are bare and hoarse and a grate many other monsters. Hour ruler is King Trent, whoo has rained four seventeen years. He transforms people two other creatures. Know won gets chaste hear; oui fair inn piece. My tail is dun.

That almost hurts my head when I read it. It's a fun reminder about the importance of using the right correctly spelled word.

Goodgulf

Answer: I pour A1 sauce on your misteaks.

Ok, ok---it justs points out that the dang typos "pore" out all over.

bendover
Yes, bendover, I goofed. And I am man enough to opologize to experts, of the written word. Thank you for catching my error.

And then thee is this tale by Howard L Chace, where EVERY word is wrong, but sounds kind of the same - the almost-familiar story of "Ladle Rat Rotten Hut":


Wants pawn term, dare worsted ladle gull hoe lift
wetter murder inner ladle cordage, honor itch off
lodge, dock florist. Disk ladle gull orphan worry putty
ladle rat cluck wetter ladle rat hut, and fur disk raisin,
pimple colder Ladle Rat Rotten Hut.

Wan moaning, Ladle Rat Rotten Hut's murder colder
inset.

"Ladle Rat Rotten Hut, heresy ladle basking winsome
burden barter and shirker cockles. Tick disk ladle basking
tutor cordage offer groin-murder hoe lifts honor udder site
offer florist. Shaker lake! Dun stopper laundry wrote! Dun
stopper peck floors! Dun daily-doily inner florist, an yonder
nor sorghum-stenches, dun stoper torque wet strainers!"

"Hoe-cake, murder," resplendent Ladle Rat Rotten, and
tickle ladle basking an stutter oft.

Honor wrote tutor cordage offer groin-murder, Ladle Rat
Rotten Hut mitten anomalous woof.

"Wail, wail, wail!" set disk wicket woof, "Evanescent
Ladle Rat Rotten Hut! Wares are putty ladle gull goring wizard
ladle basking?"

"Armor goring tumor groin-murder's," reprisal ladle
gull. "grammar's seeking bet. Armor ticking arson burden
barter an shirker cockles."

"O hoe! Heifer gnats woke," setter wicket woof, butter
taught tomb shelf,"Oil tickle shirt court tutor cordage offer
groin-murder. Oil ketchup wetter letter, an den -- O bore!"

Soda wicket woof tucker shirt court, an whinny retched
a cordage offer groin-murder, picked inner windrow, an sore
debtor pore oil worming worse lion inner bet. Inner flesh,
disk abdominal woof lipped honor bet, paunched honor pore oil
worming, an garbled erupt. Den disk ratchet ammonol pot honor
groin-murder's nut cup and gnat-gun, any curdled ope inner
bet.

Inner ladle wile, Ladle Rat Rotten Hut a raft attar
cordage, an ranker dough ball. "Comb ink, sweat hard," setter
wicket woof, disgracing is verse.

Ladle Rat Rotten Hut entity bet rum, and stud buyer
groin-murder's bet.

"O Grammar!" crater ladle historically, "Water bag icer
gut! A nervous sausage bag ice!"

"Battered lucky chew whiff, sweat hard," setter
bloat-Thursday woof, wetter wicket small honors phase.

"O Grammar, water bag noise! A nervous sore suture
anomalous prognosis!"

"Battered small your whiff, doling," whiskered dole
woof, ants mouse worse waddling.

"O Grammar, water bag mouser gut! A nervous sore
suture bag mouse!"

Daze worry on-forger-nut ladle gull's lest warts. Oil
offer sodden, caking offer carvers an sprinkling otter bet,
disk hoard-hoarded woof lipped own pore Ladle Rat Rotten Hut
and garbled erupt.

MURAL: Yonder nor sorghum stenches shut ladle gulls
stopper torque wet strainers.

From Anguish Languish by Howard L. Chace, (c)1956

I suppose you'll be wanting me to narrate that one for the Audio section now will you?