Sex!

What is the most ridiculous euphemism for sex you have ever read?

This gets my vote:
"Her honey oven wrapped around his love lance"

I still can't get over... He plunged his manhood like a frozen banana into a tight tube, all slimy on the inside with warm molasses.

OK, OK, OK, I get it! There won't be any more sex in my stories! NEVER! I promise....

"Doing the Horizontal Mambo," has always seemed ridiculous to me because it just sounds sooo cheesy.

And a phrase like "Did she know him in the biblical sense?" always makes me chuckle because I imagine that involves a burning bush and possibly some frogs raining from the sky.

I'm always the most amused by the more prudish variations, such as "wifely duties."

I read a book about how to have a happy marriage, at my grandparents' house, that dated back to before the war. (I leave it to you to decide which war.) It referred extensively to the importance of the "marital embrace," how a wife must never refuse, nor a husband make excessive demands for, a "marital embrace." Given that I was 11, I had NO CLUE why a hug could possibly be that big a deal.

how about---"He plunged his throbbing boner into her hot and hungry love tunnel which gripped his manly shaft with force rivaling a Hoover vacuum turned on high. As he plumbed her her slippery depths, withdrawing as he could only to be sucked back in until he felt as if he were being drained of his very life essence, he could only muse that perhaps Mr. Hoover should have made provision for some gentler settings."

Maybe we should have our own Bulwer-Lytton contest.

I thought 'giving the ferret a run' was one of the sillier ones I've ever heard.

Okay, baby. It's time to play "Hide the salami."

parking the pink Cadillac

Frozen? Arglll, maybe he just wanted to warm it up.
Where have you read that sort of drivel, I wonder!