Early in kindergarten around the age of five, I witnessed an incident that left an indelible impression on me... that being the heart stopping, adrenaline surging sight of an unfortunate classmate taken forcibly by the arm to the Principal's office for a paddling. What I recall so vividly is our teacher, a nice lady I remember being very fond of, practically dragging the young man away to his apparent doom; scolding him for whatever offence he had committed while he pleaded, begged and did his best to avoid being spanked. I remember he was crying... "No... No... I don't want to get a paddling! Please don't spank me!" You could have poured ice-water into my veins and I am quite sure I wouldn't have noticed. The disciplinary tableau unfolding in front of me literally had a galvanizing effect. I distinctly recall the sudden sense of acute alarm I felt... that I in fact would surely somehow be next. I was certain she would return for me, though I hadn't done a thing. That often irrational, panicky fear of thinking you are next for punishment during childhood, is something a lot of spanko's can identify with. Perhaps it is one of those experiences we share that could be found as a common denominator for those of us with a fascination for the disciplinary act of spanking. In any event, we could plainly hear him all the way down the hall, even worse a few minutes later we all heard the paddle pops and his howls as he was paddled. I recollect it was only two or maybe three pops and he was crying lustily long before they even landed... but it was decidedly more so afterwards and THAT was scary. Even though it was him and not me I remember how embarrassed I felt for him, yet inexplicably for myself as well. I've always lived with a weird sort of transference when something embarrassing happens to somebody else in my presence... a hyper sense of empathy perhaps, often feeling as embarrassed as the unfortunate person themselves. When he was brought back to class a little later, everyone KNEW of course exactly what had happened; somehow that made it even worse. The public shame afterwards I'm sure was almost as embarrassing to him as having been taken to the office for a spanking in the first place. To the best of my memory, that was my first time to actually witness another kid getting spanked... or hear one at least. It made an indelible impression on me and in many ways, I'm not sure hearing it wasn't worse than actually seeing it... my imagination probably made it out even worse than it was, but it was traumatic enough just like it happened. Seems inconsequential, written down like this in black and white but who knows? I've held the memory this long so there must be a reason it stuck with me all these years. No doubt the fear and embarrassment, the worry of what might be in store for my own little behind, made a lasting impression. |