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A New Joke Thread

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myrkassi
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Scotland
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#191 | Posted: 22 Nov 2017 17:27
Tom Lehrer is definitely one of the greats; "We will all go together when we go" and "Lobachevsky" are two of my favourites. Then there's Flanders and Swann - "The Hippopotamus Song" "The Gasman Cometh" and many others. Why does no-one write comic songs any more - we could all do with cheering up!

kdpierre
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USA
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#192 | Posted: 22 Nov 2017 19:14
For fans of Tom Lehrer who live in the USA, Mark Russell is the next best thing. He's 85 and still performing to my knowledge.

Goodgulf
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Canada
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#193 | Posted: 22 Nov 2017 21:01
Tom Lehrer had a second career with the Children's Television Workshop. He wrote songs for their show "The Electric Company", including "L-Y" and "Silent E".

Here's a link to Silent E - which shows that Lehrer could be entertaining without the satire.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91BQqdNOUxs

PhilK
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England
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#194 | Posted: 24 Nov 2017 19:39
Couldn't agree more abouit Tom Lehrer - utter genius. I've got a box-set of 3 CDs, his complete recorded songs, and often play them.

Redskinluver:
And how about Sheb Woolley and his "Purple People Eater?" He also did a song called "Don't Go Near The Eskimos." This was a parody of a country hit around that time called Don't Go Near The Indians,don't recall the artist. A tearjerker country ballad wherein a father explains to his son that he really is adopted from an Indian tribe as a result of some war, and that the Indian girl he has fallen in love with is his sister!

Lance Percival (there's a forgotten name) used to sing a spoof calypso about a guy who could never find a girlfriend, because every time there was a girl he liked his dad would tell him "Now son, yo' better go slow. That gal is yo' sister, but yo' mammy don't know!" Finally the poor dejected lad complains to his mother, who tells him, "Now son, jes' you go. Yo' daddy ain't yo' daddy, but yo' daddy don't know!"

myrkassi
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Scotland
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#195 | Posted: 24 Nov 2017 22:52
Anyone here heard of 'The Wetspots'? They're a Canadian duo whose songs include 'Labia Limbo', 'Toes', 'Kinky Neighbours' 'Booty Call' and of course 'Whack my Bottom!'

I don't think they're ever likely to be played on the radio, or available in a local record store, but most of them are available on YouTube...

PhilK
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England
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#196 | Posted: 25 Nov 2017 00:19
myrkassi:
Anyone here heard of 'The Wetspots'? They're a Canadian duo whose songs include 'Labia Limbo', 'Toes', 'Kinky Neighbours' 'Booty Call' and of course 'Whack my Bottom!'

I've always loved their number 'Do You Take It in the Ass?'

Wheatwine
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USA
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#197 | Posted: 13 Dec 2017 21:08
Here's a commercial parody that I hope you will find amusing:

Your Mom brought home a spanking paddle. She named it Brad. You hated Brad, so you threw him in the incinerator.
You had got spanked for EVERYTHING by Brad, cheating on three exams in school. excessive making out with two boyfriends. Nothing could replace Brad.
Then your Mom brought home a new paddle, and you went into your spanky dance.

Goodgulf
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Canada
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#198 | Posted: 14 Dec 2017 04:15
I used to write commercial parodies - and it looks like you've got the start of a good one there. If you need a bit of inspiration, check out:
Cingular (AT&T) Commercial Parody, HeadOn / Pants Off Parody, MasterCard Parodies on my author page.

galt54
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Sweden
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#199 | Posted: 24 Dec 2017 15:57
Still another Norway joke:

Ola was an airline pilot working for SAS. Ola usually flew trans-Atlantic flights.

But one day as he reported for work, his boss said to Ola: "Ola, we have a lot of sick calls today. So we are short on pilots on the African routes. So today you are going to have to volunteer to fly a 747 to Mombassa, down there in Kenya!"

"Well, sure thing boss! I volunteer!"

"Good, I knew you wouldn´t let me down, Ola. Now just one thing. You know that the infrastructure in Africa is not the best in the world. So you must know this. The landing strip at the Mombassa airport is rather short. So when you go in for your landing you will have to brake and brake and brake the plane with all your heart and all your might. Otherwise your plane might roll off the end of the landing strip into the jungle. And we wouldn´t want that, would we? Nasty lions and gorillas messing with our passengers and all that!"

"OK, boss. I sure will remember to brake real hard when I land the plane! Promise!"

So Ola takes off from the Oslo airport in the 747 humming a merry tune to himself.

After about an hour Ola looks out the window down towards the ground. He sees an awful lot of white down there. Ola says to himself "Oh, that must be the snow on the Alps. I am on course - so all is well."

After about another hour Ola looks out the window again down towards the ground. He sees an awful lot of blue down there. Ola says to himself "Oh, that must be the Mediterranean Sea. I am on course - so all is well."

After still another hour Ola looks out the windwo towards the ground. He sees an awful lot of ochre. Ola says to himself "Oh, that must be the Sahara desert. I am still on course - so all is well."

Then, after still another hour Ola looks out the window towards the ground. He sees an awful lot of green. Ola says to himself "That green stuff must be the African jungle. So I must be getting close to Mombassa. Now, let´s see - there is supposed to be a short landing strip somewhere down there. Oh yeah, over there! That looks like a short landing strip. I´ll take the plane down to land there!"

Said and done. Ola descends towards the short landing strip. Then he gently lands on the strip - and he brakes and brakes and brakes. Ola brakes the plane with all his heart and all his might. His arms get tired from pulling back as hard as he possibly can on the brake throttle. Finally the 747 comes to a stop just at the very end of the short landing strip and barely escapes the awful fate of rolling off into the jungle.

Ola leans back, lets out a gasp, wipes the sweat from his brow, looks to the left and then to the right and says to no one in particular:

"Whew, this sure is a real short landing strip! But dear lord how wide it is!"

galt54
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Sweden
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#200 | Posted: 24 Dec 2017 16:45
When I was a boy growing up in the USA during the 1960s I had a bunch of friends who would tell me some really disgusting jokes. "Gross-you-out jokes" were all the rage when me and the other boys were around ten years old (Y´ll know what ten year-old boys are like!). Well - here is one gross joke which has stuck in my mind. It is short and packs a surprise.

Question: What is green and hangs on the trees down there in Africa?

Answer: Elephant snott!

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