Room 101 - Pet Hates

I think most of my peeves have been mentioned and very funny they were, but I have one peeve that has irritated me for years and that is 'the self effacing woman.' Why is it that if I am blocking the pavement and a woman has to go around my mobility scooter she apologises. Or if I am clumsy and bump into a woman she apologises. Or if I am swimming and accidentally move into the path of a woman, she apologises. I have spent my life trying to change this behaviour of the other half of humanity but without success. Help me please.

No help here Nibra, I've been married to one such woman for nearly 30 years and I still haven't managed to stop her apologising for the things she hasn't done.

I'm not sure that's exclusive to women, nibra. I think people in general act that way in those situations, as long as they're trivial. We Brits have turned habitual apology into an artform, don't you think? Still, we don't mean actually mean 'sorry' - we mean anything from 'not to worry, no harm done' to 'watch where you're going, imbecile!'

I think being 'peeved' by self effacing women is a tad harsh, nibra. I apologise all the time...but perhaps being British...and a woman...and a submissive...puts me at a disadvantage. Lets face it, the odds werent in my favour, were they? Lol. But i dont do it to annoy people...in fact just the opposite. I do it because i want to avoid confrontation or bad feeling. If my saying sorry, soothes a situation or prevents an argument (even when I'm not in the wrong) then i will gladly say it. Its just a part of my female/subby character.

Sorry!!!

"Sorry" is probably the most-used word in my vocabulary. I am not so sure it goes along with being self-effacing, which means not wanting to call attention to oneself, but I definitely hate to be the center of attention. I will gladly say "I'm sorry" as an apology when I believe I am wrong, and I can usually find some aspect of a situation for which to blame myself. But more often it is just another, less effective, way to say "excuse me" or "I beg your pardon." It seems to me that "excuse me" has taken on a rude connotation nowadays, although that is largely in the tone of voice in which it is said, and so I tend not to use it.

I'm sorry but those last few comments tend to confirm the premise of my thesis, that is that women have been conditioned to feel themselves to be second class members of the community. And as men it seems have come to expect their womenfolk so to behave then those men have it confirmed, in their own perspective anyway, that they are always in the right.
When I lived in New York from 1972 I soon discovered that , 'Excuse me,' was not the polite form of address that obtained in the UK, but an aggressive demand for egress. As someone, it may have been Churchill said,"Two similar countries separated only by their common language."
"Please close the door," in England; "Would you like to close the door?" in the States.The latter said with different degrees of emphasis.
We do have such fun with words though, do we not?

I agree that women say "sorry" more than men, though in the U.K. both sexes tend to use it when they're not quite sure it was only the other person at fault. This is sensible as it is likely to defuse an angry reaction and acts as acknowledgement that something undesired happened. I remember in Finland seeing to hurrying men collide on the pavement with considerable force and then move apart again like two asteroids which had collided without destroying one another, with no word said.

However, if in a 50-50 sort of situation, I say sorry and you don't, I feel put in an unfair position where I seem to have admitted fault. So there are dangers. In a 50-50, "Woops!" or similar is better - in the U.K. - than saying nothing.

As for "excuse me", a lot depends on how it's said. I can imagine it said in a posh accent, slowly, with huge emphasis, and this Brit would take offence. Interestingly, I'd dislike "Would you like to close the door?" because it would sound like heavy irony, exaggerated politeness behind which lay the meaning, "Close the door, you stupid *****!"

I agree! I would take that to mean that the person thought I was too stupid or rude to close the door. I would much rather hear, "Would you please close the door?"

LMAO...why are you saying "sorry"? Seems to me you are confirming your own way of life while realizing it is not the thing you want to do. Just teasing!!!...and no, I am not sorry.

CS

What really annoys me is to see an attractive woman walking down the street when I am prevented from checking out her backside because she is toting a handbag the size of a steamer trunk...exactly at butt level.

I think all huge accessory bags should be banned in ever civilized country in the world! Are you with me?

Rap