Anatomy and the English Language

Oh, Flopsy, that was hilarious. This one has my vote. Bad as bad can be.

And why would a lump of old cheese be wearing a dress and a bra?

I can imagine that a hard tongue is difficult to flick.


How many Sebastians can there be?


Perhaps it was sagging?

Just imagine flopsy in a Traffic Warden's outfit.

Move over Miss Thrashbottom.

See, this is my biggest fear when writing a sex scene: that it will sound like some Romance novel kitsch, and the reader will be giggling and thinking, omg ..

One word I absolutely hate in an otherwise excellent story is the word 'cunt' to describe female genitalia. It has me cringing every time with it's crass vulgarity and jolts me out of the enjoyment of the story. I agree that "one eyed trouser snake" and bb's "little captain" are delightful descriptions for the male appendage! As far as describing female anatomy is concerned it has often been said that Coleridge's poem Kubla Khan is also a metaphor for the female genitalia and the sexual act itself. I have included the first excerpt from it here... see what you think!!

Kubla Khan
By Samuel Taylor Coleridge

In Xanadu did Kublai Khan
A stately Pleasure-Dome decree,
Where Alph, the sacred river ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea.

So twice five miles of fertile ground
With walls and towers was girdled 'round,
And there were gardens bright with sinuous rills,
Where blossomed many an incense-bearing tree;
And here were forests ancient as the hills,
Enfolding sunny spots of greenery.

But, oh! That deep, romantic chasm which slanted
Down the green hill, athwart a cedarn cover:
A savage place! As holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath the waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her Demon Lover!
And from this chasm with ceaseless turmoil seething,
As if this Earth in fast, thick pants were breathing,
A mighty fountain momently was forced,
Amid whose swift, half-intermitted burst
Huge fragments vaulted like rebounding hail,
Or chaffy grain beneath the thresher's flail;......etc

A wonderful poem. Too bad he was never able to recapture the dream after that idiot interrupted his writing.

I also hate the use the C word in any erotic sense.

I do use it-too frequently for my wife's liking; but I reserve it as my worse insult.

I know young and not so young men use it as banter amongst themselves and we used to.

I have to admit that I occasionally say "See you next time" when I'm finishing speaking to a particularly obnoxious person. - think of text abbreviations.

I was thinking the other day that "twat" is almost acceptable nowadays. I remember in my youth that it was synonymous with the C word.

At Uni a mate from London was rather shocked that he'd almost been punched for using the word twat in Hampshire. I explained why and he was v surprised as he used it as it is used today to signify an unpleasant fool.

OK, I've restrained myself long enough (ignoring my "font of his manhood" comment). Now I must point out the odd fact that while "cunt" seems to have a reasonable Indo-European history, most likely related to a word for "woman", Indo-European, or at least Germanic, seems to lack a term for "penis", at least one that is descended into modern Germanic languages. One can make of this what one wants, but my own explanation based on the common reasoning that the Indo-Europeans must have lived in a cold climate as they seem to have lacked words for hot climate animals and vegetation, is that the early Germanic peoples must have lacked this adornment.